Set apart sinners

I didn't quite know what his response would be when I told him I was a Christian.

"I knew you were," he responded casually.

How did you know?" I asked, interested to hear his response.

"I could tell by the way you carried yourself."

When I heard those words, I felt blown away. He acted as though my Christianity was the most obvious thing in the world. And he knew because of the way I carried myself.

I've only known this young man for a few weeks. I met him at work- he comes into the library to study, and whenever I see him around, we chat for a few minutes about our weekends and our jobs, and we go our separate ways. Yet even from our minimal interaction, he noticed that there was something different about me. Something that set me apart.

After he made that comment, we continued to have a conversation about faith. He proceeded to tell me that he was raised religiously (Mormon), but because of their lack of reverence, he left. In this five minute conversation with a man I hardly knew, I felt that he was truly wise. He didn't want a lukewarm faith. He saw the lack of passion and the boredom surrounding his church, and he didn't like it. God himself even said "I would rather you be hot or cold, but the lukewarm I will spit out of my mouth."

For a long time, I have thought that I was a crappy Christian, that over and over again, God kept spitting me out His mouth until I became the 'perfect' Christian. All my life, my focus has been on improvement, trying and trying and trying to be good enough. Good enough for God. Good enough for my family. Good enough for me. And I always fell short. Always.

But this conversation today really encouraged me. I thought that unless I was on my knees or speaking in tongues, that I was just like every other person. That my Christianity wasn't evident. But it was. Even when I thought I wasn't doing enough to further God's kingdom, my relationship with Christ was still impacting people. My actions have spoken louder than my words. And they've spoken loud enough that I don't even  have to open my mouth for others to know I'm a Christian. They can just look at me and they know.

That being said, the fact that others recognize Christ in me completely extinguishes the idea that one must be perfect to be a witness. I'm still not perfect *sigh.* I still fight with my mom. I still cry, yell, and sulk. I still turn to chocolate to satisfy my craving for love (I'm working on that one... :). I am still paranoid about money and whether or not God will provide for my needs. I still have a messy room, an unmanageable life, and dirty laundry that is screaming "Would you please just WASH me already?!?"

But you know what? God can use me in my mess. Everyday, I try. I fall. I get up. I try again. And most of the time, I don't succeed. At least not in the way I think I should.

But I hold my head up high. I persevere because I really, really, really want to live for God. I don't compromise my morals. I present myself in a way that honors God. I know that I may be the only person someone will ever meet that claims to be a Christian. What do I want them to think??

Today, I realized that I am doing alright. I keep keeping on. God is using me. And I may not be evangelizing while I check out people's books for them, but I am making a difference. They see Christ in me. They see Him in the way I dress. They see Him in the way I walk. They see Him in my attitude.

And if God can use someone so hopelessly flawed to further His kingdom, I fully believe that no flaw is hopeless to God.

"Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words." St. Francis of Assisi