College Kid

I am a college student now.

It feels really weird- I'm trying to figure out when exactly I became mature enough for this. I don't know that I am yet. I think perhaps this whole "Running Start" business is supposed to help me mature. I think.

My mom was concerned about me starting this year. She didn't know if I was ready. And honestly, after the first week of school, I wondered if she was right. My head hurt, I just wanted to sleep, and I was rude to my family. And I started calling myself the bad names that I'd heard my professors use (and some that I learned on my own. Or maybe from "The King's Speech") It was pretty not pretty.

The stress was just through the roof. I felt so much pressure for no reason. I am scared to death of being a failure, and what do you know? Things started failing for me when I let the negative patterns take over, which of course kept the vicious cycle going, and so on.

But thankfully, my priorities have been straightened out. Thank you, Mom, for your prayers in Seattle :) This weekend has been so relaxing for me. I actually had time to do a blog post, which is saying something.

One thing I realized about college: It's not my life. It's not my God. It's a tool to help me learn. And I am learning so much, specifically in my Psychology class. It makes me rethink my decision not to become a clinical counselor- I could so see myself doing psychology as a living.

This next week, I am working really hard on keeping my focus where it needs to be. I shouldn't be dreaming about volleyball during speech class. I shouldn't be thinking about school (or *clearing throat* boys) during daily Mass. And I probably shouldn't be doing a blog post when I should be reading "Utopia" for English class. Oh dear. I have quite a ways to go.