Until recently, I never really questioned the idea of purity. I always thought, "One day, I'll meet a guy who is pure like me and we'll get married *romantic sigh* and love God and have 12 kids and grow old together, and it'll all be hunky dory..." blah, blah, blah. Sounds perfect, right? But today I asked myself that horrible, I-don't-want-to-think-about-it-because-it-would-never-happen-I-hope question: What if my husband is NOT pure?? What then??
I follow a blog of a chastity speaker who just got married. This woman is a pure, beautiful, amazing, and hilarious person who saved intimacy for her wedding night. And unfortunately, her husband didn't. I can't imagine the grief I would feel to know that the beautiful things I saved for my husband, he carelessly spent having some college fling with his former girlfriend.
Stories like this make me wonder if it's worth it. All around me, I see teenage guys and girls throwing their hearts around, engaging in close physical contact, and making petty promises of fidelity when it's obvious the relationship won't last. What if my future husband is one of those people?
Today I told my mom, "Where is my promise that it will all be worth it? How do I know that there is a guy who is waiting for me? What's the use if there is no guarantee that there is someone out there who meets my standards? What if I saved everything only to find he has wasted all of it?"
I couldn't answer those questions. Because in my mind's eye, God didn't promise to give me a pure husband. However, as I found tonight, He did promise me something much greater than any earthly satisfaction.
Blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see God.
There is my promise. There is my guarantee.
Even if my future husband has messed around and all my efforts to be pure seem to be for nothing, it doesn't matter. I can hold to the promise that my purity does mean something to God. God values my desire to save my heart enough to show me His heart.
I possess a relationship with Jesus that most people don't ever get to experience. The pain, the loneliness I feel has only brought me closer to the heart of the Lord. He has held me close during my times of trial and supplied all my needs. I have never felt closer to God than when I am making a tough choice that pleases Him. Because He is there, giving me strength and helping me.
It doesn't matter if I am the only one who will stick to my standard of purity. I am pure of heart, and I will (and have already) seen God. And regardless of the stupid things the people around me may indulge in, I know that I am blessed. Because God cares about purity.
And that is guarantee enough for me.
"To be pure, to remain pure, can only come at a price, the price of KNOWING God and loving Him enough to do His will. He always gives us the strength we need to keep purity as something beautiful for Him." Mother Teresa
Dani, what a hard and strong decision. At your age, I remember that I was very touched by that verse as well. I still find encouragement from it! One thing that I have seen time and time again is that if one person is very pure and chaste, and the other person wasn't, that person regrets it. Even if he has messed around, he will deeply regret it. He will recognize and cherish the beauty and rarity of your decision and will wish that he had done the same. Because of God's amazing grace and forgiveness you will be able to start anew and have a wonderful marriage. The truth is that marriage isn't easy and sometimes a couple has to heal from past wounds together. That is where being a servant and sacrificing your time and energy for your spouse comes in. And I know that you will be great at that if the time comes for you to do that. All you can do is what you are doing now. Deciding that you love your husband and God enough to stay pure. I love you and am proud of you. You have what it takes.
ReplyDeleteThe purest of the pure. Dani, how beautiful & pure your heart truly is. I encourage you as I do myself to pray for your future husband. Pray for him to live a pure life. Pray for his eyes to be focused on Jesus and pray that he uses his body for good rather than sinful behaviors.
ReplyDeleteYou've really hit the nail on the head. I've been thinking here about your words of wisdom.. "What if? What then?" One person's careless actions really do effect other people.
I do not wish upon you a man who gave of himself to another woman. I would never pray for that. Instead I pray for a strong man. A person like you who stands against the crowd not willing to give into temptation. I have confidence in the Lord that he will give you that man. :)
I am in awe when I look at the great saints such as St. Augustine and St. Mary Magdalene who lived their lives to give of themselves in such a selfish way. Then they met Jesus and became the people who's foot steps we want to follow.
God works in mysterious ways. I have faith He will work through you and your future spouse.