Thanks, but I'll pass next time...

I passed out today, people. For the first time ever, and hopefully, the last time ever.

First off, I would like to say that fainting is not glamorous, as some romance movies would have us believe. Maybe it's because I actually fell onto the ground instead of into Mr. Perfect's arms (because, of course, he is always there at the exact moment needed). I didn't wake up to a robust man stroking my hair and pleading for me to wake up because he desperately needed me in his life.


Nope, I woke up with a headache. And with my younger siblings standing over me asking, "Dani, are you dead?"

Passing out isn't at glorious as I first thought. I've practiced all sorts of falls for acting, so the real thing shouldn't hurt that bad, right? Wrong. It hurts. It's traumatizing (I spent 20 minutes in the bathroom sobbing afterwords). And if I had the choice, I would never do it again. Not even into Mr. Perfect's arms. Nothing doing.

I guess I don't really have the choice though. I mean honestly, I wasn't planning on fainting today.

I didn't think walking from the sink to the couch was going to knock me flat on my face. I was terribly dizzy, and my only thought was to get to the couch. But unfortunately, I only made it halfway before I "fell asleep" and started thinking all these weird, random thoughts. I woke up with a blasting headache- It turns out the side of my glasses nailed the side of my head and went flying off my face (but thank God they didn't break). 

Passing out was more than painful- it was scary. My brother fainted in a doctor's office and needed emergency brain surgery because of it. I could've been hurt very badly. What if I'd been on my way down the stairs? What if I'd have hit my head on the door frame or fridge (which could've happened)? But instead, my head fell onto my volleyball bag filled with exercise clothes. It was like a perfect little pillow set up just for me. I have a feeling there was some divine intervention going on there! And I am so grateful to God for the way He protected me.  

Anyways, I hope none of you ever have to face the trauma of passing out. And if you do, I pray you've got a strong, handsome man behind to catch you!

The way to my heart is through my... elliptical machine?!?

The other day, my two guy friends came over to help me clean out our shop. It was quite an adventure- sweeping up cobwebs and killing spiders, taking the back door off of our house to move the treadmill out to the shop... Their muscles proved handy in more than one instance though :)

As Jacob and Eric moved our elliptical machine across the lawn to the shop, I realized how awesome it would be to have somebody on the elliptical while they carried it. I mentally added this to my ever-expanding bucket list and briefly mentioned it to the guys (I think you know where I am going with this :) Of course (them being the wonderful, awesome, muscle men they are :) they told me they'd do it right then. I'm sure it was craziest thing my neighbors have seen me do yet, but I've never been so happy to look so ridiculous...

I am totally cracking up as I look at this...

I can't believe they actually walked with me on this.

I can't believe I had the guts.  

 

Sometimes my life is a nightmare, sometimes it's beautiful. Other times, it's just plain wacky! But honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love who I am and love those who are a part of my adventure. Whether I'm being carried like a queen by the guys or crying alone in my room, I know I am loved. I don't have to pretend- yeah, sometimes, I can be an idiot. Sometimes I can be a brat. And sometimes I can be really fun. But it doesn't matter- I know God loves me, and I don't have to hide my true self. This realization has given me strength to do some of the coolest, scariest, and best experiences of my life. And there is never a dull moment!

Best. Weekend. Ever.

If you would have asked me two weeks ago whether I was excited to go to the Stuebenville Northwest conference with my church, I would've hesitated to reply. Earlier in the year, I had felt the call to go and signed up. But the weeks leading up to the conference were full of confusion, disappointment, and doubt. As the day drew closer, I felt an obligation to follow through with my commitment to attend the conference because everything was already paid for through my fundraising, and wise counsel of mine advised me to go. It was a tough go around, especially since I had to give up a trip to Tennessee as well as forfeit any hopes of going on a different trip with my friends.

Honestly, I had a pretty sour attitude about the whole ordeal. But after having the worst grounding of my life (it only lasted about 2 days, but it was the worst ever), I realized I would rather make the most out of my situation then sit, pout, and be miserable for 4 days.

Funny how God knows exactly what you need when you need it. Even when you don't think you need it.

Our youth group teamed up with two other churches, one from Grants Pass Oregon and the other from St. Joe's in Kennewick. We loaded onto a bus and headed over to Idaho to Silverwood Theme Park for a day of fun before the spiritual aspect of the weekend began.

 

Holy Spirit youth group outside Silverwood

If you can't find me, I'm the one crouching behind the woman in blue aka

BEST youth leader ever. I love you Jen! 

When it was time to get started, I headed straight to the coasters (my favorites!) It turns out that the gal I rode with on the first ride, Tremors, wasn't quite so fond of roller coasters as I am :)

 

Annie and I waiting to load Tremors... Annie was freaking out before we buckled up,

but she was so brave and conquered her fears...

 

This picture is priceless!

Way to go, Annie :) 

 

The rest of the day consisted of more roller coasters (including my favorite, the Aftershock :), epic water slides, and kiddie parachute rides (yes, I did ride that one. I have a picture to prove it!). It turned out to be a pretty good day considering my previous disposition about the whole thing. Little did I know that was the icing of the cake for my whole weekend...

We spent the night in a gym, where I got the eqivilent of about two hours of sleep. That floor was hard! The next afternoon, we headed to Spokane, Washington to finish out the weekend.

 

A few of us in front of our beautiful little bus, with no air-conditioning and busted speakers :)

 

We found these metal running statues while we were hanging out

in Spokane by the mall. There's me, the one keeled over and

dying. Yep, that's pretty accurate :)

 

 

At the conference center after checking into the Gonzaga dorms, waiting to be let into the theater.

Yes, that is me sprawled out in the middle of the floor.

 

The Stuebenville kids packed into the theater. There were about

1,200 of us!

I wish I could put into words what happened to me when I walked though the doors of that conference. I cried more tears, felt more peace, and experienced more love during this conference than I ever have before. I was stirred so deeply inside. I felt God's presence so strongly. The worship was intense, the speakers were gripping, and the Spirit was so thick. And adoration? Unexplainable. Three and a half hours of adoring Christ in the Eucharist. I cried the entire time. Jesus poured out His great love. He poured out His great love on me. And I will never, ever be the same.

For the first time in my life, I was following Christ because I wanted to. My whole life, I obeyed God because it was what I should do. But during the course of the weekend, I realized that I shouldn't obey the law because I ought to. I should LOVE Christ with everything in me, and following the law will just happen. And for the first time ever, I am obeying God because He is the Love of my life and I am following Him, not just because it's my duty as a Christian.  I am motivated by Love. And it is the most freeing thing I have ever experienced. I feel a drive to be good, not so God will love me, but because I love Him!

Not only was the trip AMAZING spiritually, but it was a great experience in general. I got to bond with my youth group in a way I haven't before. We played games together, ate together, explored together. I made new friendships and refreshed old friendships. I loved my dorm roomies, and my small group was so personal and intimate. And I got to ride on a stinking school bus! It wasn't the most comfortable thing I've ever done, but a girl's gotta do it at least once in her life! There were dance parties in the back, snacks everywhere, some great fellowship, and some even greater pranks :). *sigh* I love road trips!

 

The Holy Spirit Youth portion of the bus :)

Good times...

I shudder to think of what I would've missed out on had I been a prideful snot and canceled my plans to come to this conference. I am a new woman. I am renewed in Christ. His Holy Spirit dwells in me to give me strength. And I'm going to need it.

I am changed. Jesus is first in my life. I am different than I was a week ago. Majorly. And I understand that this may mean an end to some of my friendships. It is so hard, but I know that God will help me through this. My life cannot stay the same after what I have experienced. What prisoner after being freed from slavery goes back to it's master? I was a slave to sin- gossip, drama, resentment, bitterness, unforgiveness. But I have been redeemed. My Savior is guiding me, helping me when I fall, and giving me strength.

Lord, the Creator of the Universe, Creator of my soul, Love of my life- I hand to you, Sweet Jesus, every friendship that I hold dear to my heart. You've changed me for the better, Lord, and I will give up any sinful patterns for Your Name's sake, Jesus. Even if it means leaving the ones I love the most. I pray for Your strength to overcome me and all those from the Stuebenville conference. Help us to grow in You everyday and remember how much You love and cherish Your children. Touch our hearts everyday, and give us a renewed vigor to walk in Your ways always. Even when it hurts. In Jesus' Holy name, Amen.

"Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11

"Then hear from heaven and forgive the sin of your servants, your people Israel. Teach them the right way to live, and send rain on the land you gave your people for an inheritance." 1 Kings 8:36

Full Color Blast

If you ask me what my favorite color is, you will never get the same answer twice. My favorite color varies, depending on seasons, moods, and what's popular in the fashion scene. There are very few colors I dislike, although I find myself most attracted to anything bright, bold, or somewhat resembling a rainbow. Something about my personality likes the "sha-zam" effect that neon bursts of color brings out of me. So naturally, when I heard about Run or Dye, I knew I wanted to be there.

The whole purpose of Run or Dye is to be blasted with colored powder dye as you run through the different dye stations throughout the 5K course. When my friends told me they were doing it, I quickly jumped on board. I mean, how could I possibly pass up the chance to be a walking canvas?

Everything was all set, I was signed up with my group, but something went terribly wrong. Two days before the race, I was eaten alive by mosquito. I had 37 bites that varied in size from a quarter to slightly smaller than a baseball. The backs of my legs were swollen and inflamed, red, and itched like crazy. The doctor gave me some salves to bring the swelling down, but the night before Run or Dye, I still wasn't any better. The back of my legs were so puffy, I knew there was a very small chance I would be able to participate in the morning.

I called a bestie who was doing the race with me and told her message machine my plight. I asked her for prayers, because I knew the only way I would be well enough the next day was if Jesus did a miracle. My wonderful mother prayed over me and comforted my tears, reminding me how much God loves me and wants what is best for me. It was hard to surrender, but I had peace knowing the ultimate Healer was on my side.

The next morning, every single one of my bug bites were 1/2 the size they'd been the night before. The itching was gone. It was a miracle. Jesus Christ healed me. It was crazy.

I called Lizzy (bestie from before) and excitedly told her that I would be able to meet her for Run or Dye. My awesome friend had been praying fervently for me the night before after she heard my message. I love it how my mom and friend both lifted me up in prayer to God. He heard. He answered. Prayer really does work. Praise God!

Run or Dye was amazing. I am so thankful God gave me the opportunity to do it. Being amidst all the rainbow assortment of dye revealed to me something about God: He isn't boring and bleak. He is bright and creative and imaginative. He rejoices in beauty. He rejoices in His children. Our God is a God of colors.

(FYI, if pictures actually speak a thousand words, this will be my longest blog post ever :) Aka, prepare for a lot of pictures :)

 

Lizzy, me, and Devon

Look at how white are t-shirts are... not for long! ;)

 

  

Us practicing our dance moves.

We thought we could dance the whole three miles, but that pretty

much failed. We got to maybe a half a mile before we gave up on 

that idea. Doesn't work too well when you can't hear the music :)

     

 

Us after the race

I've never been so happy to be so dirty!

 

 Lizzy showing off her beautiful ensemble

Love the zebra pants ;)

 

Devon modeling her dye aka Devon just being awesome ;) 

Way to work the fanny pack, girl!

 

 

To all those wondering: Yes. I actually wore pink tights.

At least I wasn't wearing a tutu, like some people ;)

 

 A close up of my dyed self.

  

The repercussions of the pink dye. I washed my hair, but the pink dye

decided to settle into my highlights. It's still in there now and I actually 

went to church with pink hair! Maybe I'll start a trend ;)

 "[A] life in full color is vibrant, inspiring and alive.  It’s an invitation to appreciate the beauty found everywhere in the world we live in." Cara Brown 

Fearless

I've never thought of myself as one to chicken out. But today, I almost did.

I'm all for riding scary roller coasters and heart-dropping thrill rides. I'd be the first to volunteer to improvise in drama class. As some of you know, I wasn't always like I am now. I've had so many silly fears in the past, like swimming in the river or being outside in the dark. But there were so many things I missed out on because of my fear. As I've grown up, I've become more comfortable stepping into the unknown. If something frightens me, I will stand up to it. I try my best to overcome my fears so that I can live to the fullest. But today, I almost chickened out big time.

The thrill was daunting and the adrenaline was pumping- And yep, I was about two seconds away from crying and running the other direction. But thankfully, I was brave, though it would've been perfectly reasonable for me to shy away from the challenge.

Imagine being in my shoes: You're with your friends. You were so excited to do this... until you walked through the doors, that is. You feel jittery, kind-of freaked out at what you're going to do, yet you feel secure with your friends nearby. Yet as you are led away, your heart is pumping as you panic. What you feel like doing is being a lame-o and just asking for a replacement. But instead you puff out your chest and pretend to be chill about placing yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

You go into the school's weight room. You are debriefed on what's going to happen to you, but you are so busy freaking out you don't hear a word. Your friends fill you in later and tell you not to worry, but you are starting to sweat. You hear people screaming in the next room, and your eyes are about as wide as watermelons. The man in the doorway with a gun is standing waiting for the cue. Suddenly, he shoots and the room erupts in screams. You hear the sound of running footsteps, and you know they are coming to save you. Men burst through the doors, and shoot down the armed man. A man yells at you not to move your hands, so you stand paralyzed with your arms raised above your head. You know that any sudden moves could mean being shot. But somehow, after you've been patted down and sent to the next mission, you start to smile. Because that was kind-of fun, actually.

That was one of the three scenarios I role-played in today for the police training this week. It was a new experience, and I enjoyed it. Acting as a hostage was not only helping the cops to practice protocol, but allowed us teenagers to see inside what would happen in a real raid (believe me, it has given me a new vigor to NEVER be the guy on the wrong side of the law!)

 

Ryan, Lizzy, Eric, Jacob, and me in our protection vests

Can you guess who was the bad guy?? ;-) I know hard choice... 

We all look pretty sketchy :-)

Yes it was scary at first. I really didn't feel like being blown to smithereens by the paint pellet bullets (thankfully, the police officers are better aim than me). I was nervous, but I was comforted by the fact that deep down, I knew all of it was pretend.

But truly, those police officers there today risk their lives to protect us. And that is not pretend.

I wish I could thank every person who has put themselves in danger to keep my country safe. For all those who take the brunt of violence for our protection. For all those who are injured or killed saving another's life. Those cops may not have really saved any hostages today, but they are preparing themselves for the day that they might need to. They are willing to sacrifice. They are brave, they are courageous, and they fight for justice. And I hope one day, I will be as fearless as them.

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."    2 Timothy 1:7

Learning lessons

Last week, I unintentionally learned a few things about myself.

1. I don't like talking in front of people. It's weird because I'm such an outgoing person, but there is something about addressing large groups of people that freaks me out. You'd never be able to tell because I hide it super well, but this week at VBS, I did everything in my power to say as little as possible on stage. I do like dancing and acting on stage, but

2. Nothing overwhelms me more than when I feel pressured. On the outside, I keep clear boundaries, but internally, I am afraid of messing up and being an outcast.

3. I really, really like working with children. I LOVED VBS and I connected so well with all the kids. I helped with some crews throughout the week, and I noticed how I always had an idea up my sleeve of an activity we could do or a way to make everybody listen. I think that's partially due to my big imagination (which isn't always a blessing, I might add :).

4. I like to take initiative.

5. When I'm around certain people (specifically, middle school boys), I have a tendency to speak my mind. In other social situations where I might feel more timid in being sassy, I find it easier to comment when it's growing boys who take delight in gross bodily functions and spitting in each others drinks.

6. I love children's movies. Just the other night, some friends and I watched "Tarzan" (best movie ever!) and it was awesome.


There is something else I realized about myself last week- how badly I needed to reconnect with my core group of friends. Last school year, I would see these people three to four times a week. But wedding planning and my emotional detachment had really separated me from the people I really cared about. I was depressed and didn't realize how much I needed to be social again. I felt tired and lonely and left out. Everything around me was changing (it still is) and I hated it.

A friend's birthday party two weeks ago brought us back together again. It felt so good to hang out just like old times. I really hoped that I could re-establish in our group, and thankfully, they welcomed me right back :) The next day I went to "Cool Desert Night" with some of them, and the next day we all played basketball at my house for my sister's grad party.

Last night, some of these same friends came over to hang out at my house. And it was then that I also remembered how good it was to worship together. We haven't had band practice in months, but Friday night we sat around the fire pit with Jacob on the kahone and Eric on the guitar and everyone together praising God.

 

Jacob, Eric, and me worshiping Friday night

 

James, Ryan, and Lizzy singing together :)

In Matthew 18:20 it says, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them." This passage shows how vital it is in a Christian community to have fellowship in Christ. I am so grateful that God provided me with the fellowship I needed last week- through both VBS and the small gathering on Friday night. I realized this week that am so much stronger when I am standing with others than when I'm standing by myself.

"I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together, we can do great things." Mother Teresa

Ready for bed

Zero hours. That's how much sleep I got last night. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

To all my friend's who know my sleep patterns: I know you're shocked. See, I sleep anywhere from six to twelve hours a night. At sleepovers, I am the one to crawl in bed while the others are sharing deep, dark secrets. I need my sleep, and though it may take me a while to get to bed, it takes me way longer to get out of bed. I could sleep all day. But I guess sleeping at NIGHT is a different story.

Last night, I climbed in bed around 11:00, calculating that I would have eight and a half hours rest before VBS started the next morning. For a while, I just laid there, not really thinking about anything, just waiting for sleep to seize me. Soon I realized that I need to see Mrs. Murphy (Cheaper by the Dozen, anyone?) so I got up and checked the time on my way out. Expecting it to be 1:00 or so in the morning, I just about fell over when I saw that it was actually 4:30. In the morning. How I could've laid there for five hours without being bored out of my mind is beyond me, but I know that I had not fallen asleep when I got up to use the bathroom.

Needless to say, I tried everything in my power to catch a wink because I knew I had VBS in the morning. I kept telling myself, "If you fall asleep right now, you will get three hours of sleep," then "two hours of sleep," then "one hour of sleep." Finally, after many tears, getting in Mom's bed, frantic prayers, drinking sleeping tea, getting in Lizzy's bed, frantic prayers, getting in Becky's bed, and turning on soothing music, I gave up. Sad, but true. No sleep for me.

Oddly enough, I was full of energy for VBS. I had told God earlier in the morning that I knew I wouldn't make it if He didn't strengthen me. I begged Him for enough energy to dance and sing on the stage without dozing off, and honestly, He did it. Ironic how our VBS theme is all about standing strong with God through challenges. I guess my life is more of a testimony this week than I realized!

The exhaustion is starting to get to me, so I'm going to sign off before I fall asleep and start writing in my sleep (that would be entertaining, but it wouldn't make sense and would probably somehwhat resemble my wacky dreams.) Off to take my power nap. Hoping I can sleep this time...

"If you're worried and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep. And you'll fall asleep, counting your blessings." Irving Berlin