I guess I must be crazy...?

I am taking an abnormal psych class at CBC this quarter, and my teacher warned us on the first day of class not to start diagnosing ourselves and those around us just because they have the symptoms of a particular mental disorder. However, I have a hard time not doing that, and I've already found myself making very educated guesses as to certain people's mental health, including my own. What can I say? When the statistics show that 50% (which by the way is half of everyone I know) of the human population will have a mental disorder in their lifetime, how can I not exercise my precise knowledge paired with my womanly intuition? It's foolproof.

Anyways, today in class we learned about Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Let me rephrase that: Today in class, we learned about me :) Let me give you a little back story.

The past several months, I have struggled constantly with anxiety. It's like a feeling that just stays with me and never fully goes away. My brain has felt extremely overloaded, especially with school starting and some family problems happening at my house. I've had trouble sleeping since the beginning of the year, and heaven forbid I drink caffeine or I'll be up all night. The past few weeks its gotten significantly worse as I've felt overwhelmed with everything. And overwhelmed with nothing. Like a constant cloud of anxiety that just looms over my head all the time, tiring me out and never giving me a moment's rest.

The past week, it got so bad that I have had ZERO motivation to do anything. Not even anything social (which is HUGE, if you know me). So I talked to my doctor about it and asked for a blood test (which is also HUGE if you know me. I hate needles and blood and rubber bands. Blech).

After a traumatizing experience getting my blood taken, the results were sent into the doctor. I will find out tomorrow afternoon what's going on. As for now, I have my own speculations after our discussion in class today.

As I was listening to my teacher describe this disorder, I was checking off my mental checklist. Restlessness, fatigue, irritability, muscle tension, and sleep disturbance? Yep, that pretty much sounds slightly and/or a lot like me. Constant stimulation of the parasympathetic nervous system while lacking the inhibitory input? Yes. Pick me. Lack of appetite followed by a ravenous one? Absolutely. I feel either not hungry at all, or starving. There is no in between.

Often the anxiety is caused by stressful situations or beliefs that worry somehow is valuable to one's well-being. Whatever the cause, I told my psych buddies Katherine and Eric my new diagnosis for myself, and Eric reminded me that she told us we would think we're sick.:) While that is true, I do think there something serious going on here. The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster, with my blood test (which = numb arm for the rest of the day) and missing my class this morning because I was crying the the car for an hour after hitting the bumper of a parked car while I was pulling into school this morning. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be fully enlightened as to my physical and psychological condition. And I will soon enlighten you also.

To be continued.... :) :) :)

What a glorious sacrifice

The longer I'm alive, the more I wonder and marvel at the beauty of the Resurrection story. Every year, the glory and greatness of the power of God becomes more real and tangible through the celebration of Easter. As I've grown older, I've come to appreciate so much more the life that was brought to the world the day Christ defeated death by rising from the grave. I see how this unfathomable occasion changed my life, but I don't think I will ever be able to grasp how this event actually changed my life. That through the cross and bloodshed that 2000 years ago, and ultimately, in His glorious resurrection, I can live in freedom and peace in Jesus Christ. This is not only an awe-inspiring event, but one I cannot wrap my human mind around. What love He has for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He paid the ultimate penalty, yet so often we Christians take that sacrifice for granted.

How many times have I carelessly thrown aside the grace God offers me through His Son's blood? How many times have I been willingly ignorant and unaccepting of the totally faithful love Christ constantly offers to me through his scarred hands and pierced side? How many times do I grieve the Spirit of God when I brush Him aside and take no notice of His presence? How many times have I wounded the heart of the Lord? Too many to count.

I remember the days when I cared more about my Easter dress and eating candy then I cared about remembering the glorious Resurrection of Christ. I remember the days when I was so focused on Easter being the day when Lent was OVER that I forgot it wasn't always about the sugar. I remember the days when I realized how little self-control I actually had during Lent, only to spend the next 40 days complaining instead of offering it up to God. Oh wait. "Those days" aren't far behind me. In fact, these are the things I struggle with to this day. Praise God for His unfailing graces.

The 40 days of fasting is over, and the 50 days of celebrating has begun. However, I want to encourage all of you NEVER to forget the depth of His sacrifice or the power in His resurrection. Remember always that Christ is our hope and our life. To Him be all glory forever!

"Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people, and hallelujah is our song!" Pope St. John Paul II

Spring adventures

Wow.... It's been forever since I've posted! So much has been going on with finals, spring break (YES), and then starting up spring quarter again at CBC.

So far, things have been going roughly smoothly (oxymoron) with transitioning from vacation mode to real life again. My spring break was pretty great, driving up to Seattle with my little sister, meeting my mom there, then visiting my sister, brother-in-law, and baby in Lynden. It was a totally great and fun experience, getting away from the stress for a week. I mean, of course, things were a little hectic driving through Seattle without another adult, but my mom was great about helping me get around and letting me follow her.

While in Seattle, we went to the Pacific Science Center, visited Pike's Place Market and the first Starbucks (I will only ever drink there that one time ;), and just walked around the city.

  

Holding a crab at the petting zoo at PSC with my siblings ;)

 

Mom, Becky, me, and Jake in the butterfly exhibit.

 

Having fun with my sibs in the hotel room.

Don't ask me what is going on :) I don't know.

 

In Pike's Place Market, where the fish-flying happens!

I figured out how much I love big cities on this trip. There's so much to do!

When we continued upward to Lynden, I had a great time catching up with my sister and brother-in-law, as well as getting to feel my little NEPHEW kicking!!!! I can't wait until he's born- he is going to be so cute! I also got my haircut and did some shopping while I was there. It was wonderful, and I was really sad to come home. I actually planned on coming home Thursday, but we (me, Jacob, and Becky) ended up leaving Saturday. We were having way too much fun!

We didn't get too many pictures in Lynden, but we had a blast every single day! We went to Woods literally every day (btw, Woods is the most amazing coffee chain in Northern WA). We laughed so hard it hurt doing Tim Hawkins impersonations, watching "Father of the Bride Two" (funniest movie ever!) and dealing with my brother's "lactose intolerance" :) :) :)

 

Having fun at the Vander Veens!

My little brother thinks he looks stupid in this picture, but that's what you get when you try to fit 5 people into a selfie. Sorry bud, you only get one try!

 

Stephanie, Baby Vander Veen, and me <3 

We also made several trips to the park, where I, with my cowboy boots in tow, along with the clan, risked the kiddy rock wall and showed our true amazon warrior colors.

Needless to say, I had a reality check when I came home from my paradise spring break trip. Just yesterday, I brought my sister and her friend to the park to play. I got overly ambitious on the monkey bars, skipped two, but my legs were too long and my knee smashed right into the metal bar used to climb up. I ended up with a bruise and a goose egg the size of a golf ball. Ya. It looked like I had a second knee. Apparently my warrior skills work best in Lynden :) I am hoping to go back as soon as I can, but for right now, I will try to keep myself out of trouble and off the monkey bars.