Honestly, there is rarely a time when I experience writer's block. Normally, I have a lot to say and it is natural for me to put into words what I feel in my heart. But as I try to encompass in my mind what this past year has been like, I am at a loss. There is so much there, yet so... little. It seems as though no time has passed, yet it also seems like 2014 has lasted for centuries. I look back on all the ways I have grown and see much improvement, yet still so much to be conquered in myself. I find myself glad that this year is coming to an end, and I'm ready to begin a new chapter of life.
Isn't that how it is at the start of a new year? Everyone is ready and willing to begin again and put their best foot forward to make the coming year better than the last one. For the past five years at least, that's been my goal: To have the best year of my life.
But this year is different because I'm looking at all my experiences throughout the year and wondering what defines "best"? Did I have more fun this year than ever before? No. I really didn't. In fact, my social life kind-of stunk. Did I end the year being in just as good of shape and looking just as good as the beginning of the year? Nada. Zero. In fact, it's the opposite. I started out the year playing two sports and working out in the gym, and now, I'm... well, not doing any of those things :) Did I have life-changing experiences? Kind-of. I mean I go to prom, Stuebenville, and on road trips every year. There's nothing really different about life, (MINUS having my nephew being born- the one and only exception to absolutely, wonderfully life-changing :)
So as I look back over the year, I am asking myself, "Did I have the best year ever?" Before, I would've thought that if I could count more exciting experiences that happened this year than the year before, it was a better year this year. But now, I'm thinking, "Why does having more excitement and more fun and more everything make something better?"
The truth of the matter is that 2014 was a hard year for me. I had to face a lot of things in myself I didn't like. I battled depression and anxiety. I grew closer to my family throughout the year, but it wasn't without hurt and tears. My social relationships lacked.
Part of the reason the year was so hard was because I was making changes (or trying to). I was detaching from unhealthy relationships where the year before I hadn't had enough to strength to do it. I started learning how to grow up when I got a job at the beginning of September and starting paying for some of my own stuff. I was also reevaluating my attitude, my outlook on life, and so many other things. I became a more contemplative, private person in 2014. So different from the loud, crazy, wild lady who was ready to conquer the world in 2013.
Thankfully, I still have that drive in me, its just very different. I'm learning to center it, to focus it. God wants to use that passion and love for risk for His Glory. Now I am just learning that I can be quiet and listen for His direction before jumping on a wild idea and riding it to kingdom come. I'm learning to ask. And trust. And WAIT. Which is hard. Especially when you have no clue where God is taking you. Just the other day, I was starting to stress out again that I hadn't heard from the Lord about what to do after CBC, and then I thought, "Hey! Why not think of this as one of those exciting surprises you always want instead of worrying about not knowing?" Perspective is powerful- Truly, what would be so bad about not knowing? I mean, even if He didn't tell me until the day school starts next semester, He would make a way. And it might involve me jumping on a plane and flying to Timbuktu to finish my degree as a Bone Regeneration Specialist. You never know :)
Because I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing for 2015, I have no big goals. Except one: Follow where the Lord leads. That's it. That's all I got. For the life of me, I have no idea where or what that is. But one day, when everything becomes clear, I know there will be a beautiful, amazing story that will be a testament to the beauty of trusting God for all things.
I'm not going to make any sentimental statements about how I hope that 2015 is better that 2014 or make a list of things I want to accomplish. All I know is that 2014 was good for me. Was it the best year ever? I don't know. All I know is that I survived another year. I laughed, I cried, I grew, I wilted, I fell, I rose, I learned, I lost, I loved, and I lived. And what could be better than that? It may not have been the 'best' year, but it was the best for me. It was what I needed.
I hope that as you all reminisce about the year and look forward to the coming season in your life, you feel the freshness of starting a new chapter of your life journey.
Wishing you all a happy New Year full of life, love, and freedom!
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Thankful for life (and late night bowling)
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about gratitude. Figures, since Thanksgiving was last weekend :) It's interesting how a time of thanks makes you realize how ungrateful you actually are.
I find it ironic how the day of meant for thanksgiving for what we have is now followed by a full out race to accumulate more stuff the day after. So yes, we sit down at dinnertime for the turkey and stuffing, and then take our leave to be the first in line for the "Pre-Black Friday Sales." I think this demonstrates perfectly the discontent of our culture. We're always wanting more.
I wish I could say I was exempt from this mindset. Unfortunately, I have been plagued with the self-centered bug that makes people crave more than what they have.
I am very blessed, yet sometimes it seems as though all the blessings are hidden by discouragement from the hard things in life. But I don't want to live my life in the negative, focused on what could be better instead what is already great. I don't want to wake up one day and realize I was so concerned with accumulating more and rising to the top of the success list that I missed out on important relationships or hurt the ones I cared about.
I have been trying to make some attitude changes the past few weeks and thankfully (pun :), the Lord is helping me to become less focused on my wants and more focused on how He has provided for my every need.
I have decided that I will be grateful in every circumstance. I used to think that gratitude was "at least I'm not ______," but thankfulness is more than that. I think thankfulness is synonymous with joy. When you are joyful, you are thankful for the blessings, even the disguised ones, and you don't let a bad day hinder you from giving thanks to the Lord. And when you are thankful, you receive a joy in knowing that the Lord has provided for you.
The Lord has provided for me in so many ways. He has given me all that I need, plus more. So right now, I am going to list ten things I am thankful for.
1. My family. We are the weirdest people I know. And I wouldn't have it any other way!
I find it ironic how the day of meant for thanksgiving for what we have is now followed by a full out race to accumulate more stuff the day after. So yes, we sit down at dinnertime for the turkey and stuffing, and then take our leave to be the first in line for the "Pre-Black Friday Sales." I think this demonstrates perfectly the discontent of our culture. We're always wanting more.
I wish I could say I was exempt from this mindset. Unfortunately, I have been plagued with the self-centered bug that makes people crave more than what they have.
I am very blessed, yet sometimes it seems as though all the blessings are hidden by discouragement from the hard things in life. But I don't want to live my life in the negative, focused on what could be better instead what is already great. I don't want to wake up one day and realize I was so concerned with accumulating more and rising to the top of the success list that I missed out on important relationships or hurt the ones I cared about.
I have been trying to make some attitude changes the past few weeks and thankfully (pun :), the Lord is helping me to become less focused on my wants and more focused on how He has provided for my every need.
I have decided that I will be grateful in every circumstance. I used to think that gratitude was "at least I'm not ______," but thankfulness is more than that. I think thankfulness is synonymous with joy. When you are joyful, you are thankful for the blessings, even the disguised ones, and you don't let a bad day hinder you from giving thanks to the Lord. And when you are thankful, you receive a joy in knowing that the Lord has provided for you.
The Lord has provided for me in so many ways. He has given me all that I need, plus more. So right now, I am going to list ten things I am thankful for.
1. My family. We are the weirdest people I know. And I wouldn't have it any other way!
I think Lizzy has been spending too much time at Petco :)
Typical moment.
Lizzy does something dramatic.
I am just like "Welcome to my world" :)
I will leave this photo to interpretation because I don't know how to explain what is going on.
I really don't know.
2. My friends. I literally have the best friends ever. I have had so many wonderful/wild experiences with my dear friends throughout the years. The most recent one being late night bowling (and playing hide-and-seek tag in Walmart). I had so much fun and I actually beat everyone the first game (which if you know me, you know I STINK at bowling. I will tell you, during game two, I got last place... I was just on a roll for a second :)
Having the time of our lives :)
Justin, Jake, Anthony, Connor, Me, Kim, and Maggie chilling out in the sketchy bowling ally.
3. My church. I LOVE my church SO much. I have grown so much spiritually, especially this year being a part of the Jr. Core team. Which leads me to...
4. Lifeteen. I've grown closer to God and closer to my fellow church members this year as a part of Lifeteen, and I'm so thankful for that! I've gotten to help lead worship and gave a testimony on modesty. I have so many great experiences, and the year isn't even halfway over!
MASS FITNESS!
I actually got to lead ZUMBA on this night- I won't ever forget it!
Our costume/murder mystery night.
I am supposed to be Cinderella, but apparently, several people thought I was Snow White (why, I have no idea)
Our "Wedding Feast" Lifenight.
I finally got another opportunity to wear my bridesmaid dress!
Chilling after our "Pro-life" issue night.
Me and Kim did a skit on abortion, while the boys did one on suicide.
5. Cars. I am so thankful that I have a vehicle to get me where I need to go. I am also thankful because some people that are very dear to me live only a few hour car ride away. If we were making the trip in old west wagons... Not very efficient when you want a weekend visit!
6. Music. I love playing music and writing music and listening to music and everything about music. I feel so close to God when I am praising Him in song.
7. SNOW!! Not only do I get snow days, but I get to play outside with my siblings and get pelted in the tush with rock hard snowballs (true story!)
8. Glasses. I don't know, just being able to see when a few hundred years ago, I would've been classified as blind is incredible. And contact lenses, so I can pretend I don't need glasses sometimes :)
9. Dancing. I should've put this closer to the top. I don't know what my life would be like could I not interpretive dance in my living room to Michael Buble. Life would not be the same!
10. Life in general. There are so many small things and big things and in between things that I am grateful for. And last....
11. God. I know I only said 10, but the very basis for my thankfulness and the reason why I can have joy is because of this One Guy. Named Jesus. Or Holy Spirit. Or Daddy-O in the sky. Whatever you prefer, my entire basis for praise and thanks is the fact that Christ paid the ultimate price for me sins. I can be joyful and loving because of Him. So Lord, I thank you for my life. I thank you that even though I've had a rough go, you still love me and you have a plan for me. And whether your plans for me are big, or small, I am thankful for what you have given me. May I always look to you as the source of my joy and gratitude.
P.S. The late night bowling was a plus, so thanks for that too :)
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Set apart sinners
I didn't quite know what his response would be when I told him I was a
Christian.
"I knew you were," he responded casually.
How did you know?" I asked, interested to hear his response.
"I could tell by the way you carried yourself."
When I heard those words, I felt blown away. He acted as though my
Christianity was the most obvious thing in the world. And he knew because of the
way I carried myself.
I've only known this young man for a few weeks. I met him at work- he comes
into the library to study, and whenever I see him around, we chat for a few
minutes about our weekends and our jobs, and we go our separate ways. Yet even
from our minimal interaction, he noticed that there was something different about
me. Something that set me apart.
After he made that comment, we continued to have a conversation about
faith. He proceeded to tell me that he was raised religiously (Mormon), but
because of their lack of reverence, he left. In this five minute conversation
with a man I hardly knew, I felt that he was truly wise. He didn't want a
lukewarm faith. He saw the lack of passion and the boredom surrounding his
church, and he didn't like it. God himself even said "I would rather you be hot
or cold, but the lukewarm I will spit out of my mouth."
For a long time, I have thought that I was a crappy Christian, that over
and over again, God kept spitting me out His mouth until I became the 'perfect'
Christian. All my life, my focus has been on improvement, trying and trying and
trying to be good enough. Good enough for God. Good enough for my
family. Good enough for me. And I always fell short. Always.
But this conversation today really encouraged me. I thought that unless I
was on my knees or speaking in tongues, that I was just like every other person.
That my Christianity wasn't evident. But it was. Even when I thought I wasn't
doing enough to further God's kingdom, my relationship with Christ was still
impacting people. My actions have spoken louder than my words. And they've
spoken loud enough that I don't even have to open my mouth for others to know
I'm a Christian. They can just look at me and they know.
That being said, the fact that others recognize Christ in me completely
extinguishes the idea that one must be perfect to be a witness. I'm still not
perfect *sigh.* I still fight with my mom. I still cry, yell, and sulk. I still
turn to chocolate to satisfy my craving for love (I'm working on that one... :).
I am still paranoid about money and whether or not God will provide for my
needs. I still have a messy room, an unmanageable life, and dirty laundry that is
screaming "Would you please just WASH me already?!?"
But you know what? God can use me in my mess. Everyday, I try. I fall. I
get up. I try again. And most of the time, I don't succeed. At least not in the
way I think I should.
But I hold my head up high. I persevere because I really, really,
really want to live for God. I don't compromise my morals. I present
myself in a way that honors God. I know that I may be the only
person someone will ever meet that claims to be a Christian. What do I
want them to think??
Today, I realized that I am doing alright. I keep keeping on. God is using
me. And I may not be evangelizing while I check out people's books for them, but
I am making a difference. They see Christ in me. They see Him in the
way I dress. They see Him in the way I walk. They see Him in my attitude.
And if God can use someone so hopelessly flawed to further His kingdom, I fully believe that no flaw is hopeless to God.
"Preach the Gospel. If necessary, use words." St. Francis of Assisi
Monday, November 17, 2014
The Logic of Love
I heard once that all romance stories consist of one of three plotlines:
A. Girl likes boy. Boy doesn't like girl. By the end of the movie, boy likes girl.
B. Boy likes girl. Girl doesn't like boy. By the end of the movie, girl likes boy.
C. Boy #1 likes Girl #1. Boy #2 likes Girl #2. By the end of the movie, Boy #1 likes Girl #2. How did that happen??? No one knows.
Who knew that talking about romance could actually feel logical? Of course its logical, I often think to myself. Romance is totally logical. A leads to B leads to C leads to... and so on and so forth.
In our little heads, romance isn't complicated at all. It's all about the feelings. "They were meant to be together all along," we think to ourselves. We justify the broken engagements, the altering of personalities, because in our heads, having 'feelings' for someone means its going to work out. And we'll all live happily ever after. The end. Totally logical.
Not really. If anything, romance is like one of those algebra problems (math haters, plug your ears aka shield your eyes) where you solve an equation for x and come up with ZERO answer other than "X= y squared plus the cube root of (z plus 3) times 2i all divided by .23j plus k. Yeah. Read it again. If someone can take that equation and make it equal a nice tidy number, give me a call. I would like to meet with you and give you a psychological examination.
My point is, romance stories often don't portray the entirety of relationships. The plotline doesn't follow the fiancé whose partner of seven years just broke up with him because the girl bumped into another guy in the grocery store. Like its easy to leave someone you've been with for seven years. But no, she just bounces on to the next guy.
I watched a movie a few weeks ago with this same problem- The ENTIRE movie, this girl is trying to get her high school boyfriend to fall in love with her again. She succeeds. But then realizes, this other guy is actually the guy she wants. So she dumps the first guy. All of this happens within a span of..... ONE night. She kissed TWO guys in one night, with the same intensity, with the same feelings.
It makes me wonder if she's actually in love with either of them. Or perhaps, as we all may be, is she just in love with that feeling???
I think the reason why romance movies and novels sell is because deep down within every woman has this love for... love. We just love it. We love the thought of being romanced, kissed, held, chosen over another. We love the thought of dusty, robust cowboys or tall, dark, mysterious businessmen waltzing into our lives and saying, "YOU, my darling, are the one I want." Yet, is it that we truly become attached to that man as a person? Or do we become attached with the way he makes us feel?
My head is practically spinning. I think I'm confusing myself. Honestly, writing out that algebra problem made more sense to me than sorting out my feelings about romance. This is one of those moments when I am glad I am still single because if there were two of us trying to get into my head, there would be a problem.
On a personal level, I myself think I am too attached to romance. I'll admit (don't you dare judge)- My heart flutters when I see Gil Blithe. Is it because I'm in love with him? No. Is it because I'm in love with romance... maybe...
I recently just read the book "The Help." I loved it. I loved it because it was about three women who dared to cross the lines, to put their lives in jeopardy, to come against the opposition of racial segregation. The book was engrossing and exciting. And it wasn't even a romance novel.
Sure, there was some romance in it. But it showed love for what it truly was. The guy she was with couldn't handle her. He couldn't support her. He didn't agree with her morals. And she accepted that and dealt with it. She didn't just hop from beau to beau. In the end, she didn't even end up with the slightest glimmer of hope for any relationship in the future (WHAT????) But she was happy. She did what was right. She didn't have family, friends, or arrays of men to support her. But she did the unthinkable.
That's what I want to do. But how am I going to do that if I spend all my single nights boo-hoo-ing in my bed cause I don't have no Mr. Darcy in my life to share his million-bajillion smackers a year? How am I going to make a difference if my butt is planted in front of the tv screen while I stuff my face with junk-food and lament at how Sandra Bullock always gets the good ones? If I can't peel my eyes off of John Travolta and his uber shnazzy dance moves for two seconds... yikes, I need to reevaluate my life.
I think its time for me to put down the spray cheese and Oreos and quit throwing myself a pity party by the fridge just because I don't have any guys to hop from so I can get my unrealistic romance needs fulfilled. I think its also time for me to stop using run on sentences, because my brain is running out of breath.
All in all, I think I need a new perspective on romance. I am not trying to belittle the wonder of love at all, I just think that our focus has become self-centered. Our commitments to one another are becoming less important and our feelings, more important. I'm not saying one should stick with somebody they don't have romantic feelings for. I just think that if you don't have romantic feelings for someone and you don't envision yourself spending the rest of your life with them, then you shouldn't be with them in the first place. If you have doubts about a relationship, instead of staying with them while keeping one eye open looking for someone new, then why waste his time and yours? I mean, its not going to kill you to be single for a while. Truly. I am not dead yet.
If there is one thing that you get out of this EXTREMELY long blog post (sorry, readers. When Dani gets on a roll, she can't stop), let it be that God has a more perfect romance planned out for you than you could ever, ever, ever imagine for yourself. For some of us, that romance will take place with our future spouse. Others, it may take the form of religious or single life. But no matter what our future vocations are, God wants to romance us, and he wants us to be romanced. There's a reason those longings are there. God put them there. God gave us the longing to be loved because He wants to love us.
So dear readers (if you've made it this far :) this Christmas season, if like me, you are tempted to indulge yourself in romantic Christmas comedies and listen to "Let it Snow" fifteen times in a row as you sulk underneath the mistletoe, remember that God is simply waiting to fill that need that you have in your heart for romance. And His love is a lot simpler than algebra.
A. Girl likes boy. Boy doesn't like girl. By the end of the movie, boy likes girl.
B. Boy likes girl. Girl doesn't like boy. By the end of the movie, girl likes boy.
C. Boy #1 likes Girl #1. Boy #2 likes Girl #2. By the end of the movie, Boy #1 likes Girl #2. How did that happen??? No one knows.
Who knew that talking about romance could actually feel logical? Of course its logical, I often think to myself. Romance is totally logical. A leads to B leads to C leads to... and so on and so forth.
In our little heads, romance isn't complicated at all. It's all about the feelings. "They were meant to be together all along," we think to ourselves. We justify the broken engagements, the altering of personalities, because in our heads, having 'feelings' for someone means its going to work out. And we'll all live happily ever after. The end. Totally logical.
Not really. If anything, romance is like one of those algebra problems (math haters, plug your ears aka shield your eyes) where you solve an equation for x and come up with ZERO answer other than "X= y squared plus the cube root of (z plus 3) times 2i all divided by .23j plus k. Yeah. Read it again. If someone can take that equation and make it equal a nice tidy number, give me a call. I would like to meet with you and give you a psychological examination.
My point is, romance stories often don't portray the entirety of relationships. The plotline doesn't follow the fiancé whose partner of seven years just broke up with him because the girl bumped into another guy in the grocery store. Like its easy to leave someone you've been with for seven years. But no, she just bounces on to the next guy.
I watched a movie a few weeks ago with this same problem- The ENTIRE movie, this girl is trying to get her high school boyfriend to fall in love with her again. She succeeds. But then realizes, this other guy is actually the guy she wants. So she dumps the first guy. All of this happens within a span of..... ONE night. She kissed TWO guys in one night, with the same intensity, with the same feelings.
It makes me wonder if she's actually in love with either of them. Or perhaps, as we all may be, is she just in love with that feeling???
I think the reason why romance movies and novels sell is because deep down within every woman has this love for... love. We just love it. We love the thought of being romanced, kissed, held, chosen over another. We love the thought of dusty, robust cowboys or tall, dark, mysterious businessmen waltzing into our lives and saying, "YOU, my darling, are the one I want." Yet, is it that we truly become attached to that man as a person? Or do we become attached with the way he makes us feel?
My head is practically spinning. I think I'm confusing myself. Honestly, writing out that algebra problem made more sense to me than sorting out my feelings about romance. This is one of those moments when I am glad I am still single because if there were two of us trying to get into my head, there would be a problem.
On a personal level, I myself think I am too attached to romance. I'll admit (don't you dare judge)- My heart flutters when I see Gil Blithe. Is it because I'm in love with him? No. Is it because I'm in love with romance... maybe...
I recently just read the book "The Help." I loved it. I loved it because it was about three women who dared to cross the lines, to put their lives in jeopardy, to come against the opposition of racial segregation. The book was engrossing and exciting. And it wasn't even a romance novel.
Sure, there was some romance in it. But it showed love for what it truly was. The guy she was with couldn't handle her. He couldn't support her. He didn't agree with her morals. And she accepted that and dealt with it. She didn't just hop from beau to beau. In the end, she didn't even end up with the slightest glimmer of hope for any relationship in the future (WHAT????) But she was happy. She did what was right. She didn't have family, friends, or arrays of men to support her. But she did the unthinkable.
That's what I want to do. But how am I going to do that if I spend all my single nights boo-hoo-ing in my bed cause I don't have no Mr. Darcy in my life to share his million-bajillion smackers a year? How am I going to make a difference if my butt is planted in front of the tv screen while I stuff my face with junk-food and lament at how Sandra Bullock always gets the good ones? If I can't peel my eyes off of John Travolta and his uber shnazzy dance moves for two seconds... yikes, I need to reevaluate my life.
I think its time for me to put down the spray cheese and Oreos and quit throwing myself a pity party by the fridge just because I don't have any guys to hop from so I can get my unrealistic romance needs fulfilled. I think its also time for me to stop using run on sentences, because my brain is running out of breath.
All in all, I think I need a new perspective on romance. I am not trying to belittle the wonder of love at all, I just think that our focus has become self-centered. Our commitments to one another are becoming less important and our feelings, more important. I'm not saying one should stick with somebody they don't have romantic feelings for. I just think that if you don't have romantic feelings for someone and you don't envision yourself spending the rest of your life with them, then you shouldn't be with them in the first place. If you have doubts about a relationship, instead of staying with them while keeping one eye open looking for someone new, then why waste his time and yours? I mean, its not going to kill you to be single for a while. Truly. I am not dead yet.
If there is one thing that you get out of this EXTREMELY long blog post (sorry, readers. When Dani gets on a roll, she can't stop), let it be that God has a more perfect romance planned out for you than you could ever, ever, ever imagine for yourself. For some of us, that romance will take place with our future spouse. Others, it may take the form of religious or single life. But no matter what our future vocations are, God wants to romance us, and he wants us to be romanced. There's a reason those longings are there. God put them there. God gave us the longing to be loved because He wants to love us.
So dear readers (if you've made it this far :) this Christmas season, if like me, you are tempted to indulge yourself in romantic Christmas comedies and listen to "Let it Snow" fifteen times in a row as you sulk underneath the mistletoe, remember that God is simply waiting to fill that need that you have in your heart for romance. And His love is a lot simpler than algebra.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Green-eyed Me
I am going to be honest. I struggle with jealousy. You know. The green-eyed monster. One of the seven deadly sins (or close to it). Oh dear.
My jealousy was rooted directly from my perfectionism. I have worked so hard to be perfect, yet it seemed as though any time someone else was rewarded, that it meant there was something wrong with me. So many times, I have felt utterly destroyed by another being chosen because it made me pick myself apart and constantly analyze why I was so much worse.
I have been working constantly on this issue over the past six months. When others receive an honor I didn't or others are praised and my work left unmentioned, I have been working on being proud of them and rejoicing with them instead of wondering what it is about me that isn't good enough. So far, so good. The past few weeks, I have been digging to the root of my imperfection, and my confidence was slowly lifting. But now I've felt the ultimate test is coming.
It's funny how when you think you have something down, how a situation comes up where you have to reevaluate and rebuild everything you've been working towards. One single thing. And all the temptations to go back to the old way arise again.
Today, I asked God to keep me humble.
God answered me. And now, I don't know what to do with myself. Except call on him for His strength. Because I alone am not strong enough to overcome these feelings.
I feel them all flooding back, all the insecurities. I ask myself, was it all for nothing? Was my own time and efforts overlooked, unseen, not valued?
I feel like an underdog team. Like I worked and worked. I made it to the championship. And I lost. My emotions are jumping around. I should be happy for the other team, right? In reality, I can't see past all my wasted efforts, my time that I will never get back that was poured into something. But was it really worthless?
I don't think so.
My love still remains intact- Losing doesn't mean that my experience of training, sweating, working, crying, and repeating to get where I am today was for nothing. My experiences change me. I am not a lost cause because I am hurt. I am struggling with jealousy and anger, yes. But I am not giving into it. I will fight it with all I have, plus some. I know I will overcome this because God is with me.
I am tremendously hurt, yes. For no good reason? Potentially so. But I know that this experience of knowing that God saw everything that I desired and worked for, and He will reward me if no one else does. And that's all that matters.
He is still working on me. And He will continued to work on me until the day I die. But I will not give up. I will be happy for those who have reaped the benefits of recognition. I will be joyful amidst my hurt and I will look instead to invest in what I know will invest back into me.
Honestly, I don't know if this blog makes any sense, or even if anyone will read it. All I know is I had to get this off my chest. And I needed something to do with my hands instead of ripping or punching something as I bawled my eyes out.
God is using this as a cleansing. This is my ultimate test. I am going to struggle through it, but I will pass. God knows what I can handle- I'm going to be ok.
My jealousy was rooted directly from my perfectionism. I have worked so hard to be perfect, yet it seemed as though any time someone else was rewarded, that it meant there was something wrong with me. So many times, I have felt utterly destroyed by another being chosen because it made me pick myself apart and constantly analyze why I was so much worse.
I have been working constantly on this issue over the past six months. When others receive an honor I didn't or others are praised and my work left unmentioned, I have been working on being proud of them and rejoicing with them instead of wondering what it is about me that isn't good enough. So far, so good. The past few weeks, I have been digging to the root of my imperfection, and my confidence was slowly lifting. But now I've felt the ultimate test is coming.
It's funny how when you think you have something down, how a situation comes up where you have to reevaluate and rebuild everything you've been working towards. One single thing. And all the temptations to go back to the old way arise again.
Today, I asked God to keep me humble.
God answered me. And now, I don't know what to do with myself. Except call on him for His strength. Because I alone am not strong enough to overcome these feelings.
I feel them all flooding back, all the insecurities. I ask myself, was it all for nothing? Was my own time and efforts overlooked, unseen, not valued?
I feel like an underdog team. Like I worked and worked. I made it to the championship. And I lost. My emotions are jumping around. I should be happy for the other team, right? In reality, I can't see past all my wasted efforts, my time that I will never get back that was poured into something. But was it really worthless?
I don't think so.
My love still remains intact- Losing doesn't mean that my experience of training, sweating, working, crying, and repeating to get where I am today was for nothing. My experiences change me. I am not a lost cause because I am hurt. I am struggling with jealousy and anger, yes. But I am not giving into it. I will fight it with all I have, plus some. I know I will overcome this because God is with me.
I am tremendously hurt, yes. For no good reason? Potentially so. But I know that this experience of knowing that God saw everything that I desired and worked for, and He will reward me if no one else does. And that's all that matters.
He is still working on me. And He will continued to work on me until the day I die. But I will not give up. I will be happy for those who have reaped the benefits of recognition. I will be joyful amidst my hurt and I will look instead to invest in what I know will invest back into me.
Honestly, I don't know if this blog makes any sense, or even if anyone will read it. All I know is I had to get this off my chest. And I needed something to do with my hands instead of ripping or punching something as I bawled my eyes out.
God is using this as a cleansing. This is my ultimate test. I am going to struggle through it, but I will pass. God knows what I can handle- I'm going to be ok.
"You must, you must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough, Strong enough
For the both of us"
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough, Strong enough
For the both of us"
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Real Men
Conservative. Sheltered. Homeschooled. Innocent. Good girl. Naive. Ignorant.These are all words that I often use to describe myself when I hear others make references to inappropriate music videos that are super popular or use slang derogatory terms that I don't understand. Normally, if I don't get a reference, I will laugh, and explain to the others that I was homeschooled so I don't know what that means.
Today, I experienced a situation pretty far from anything I've ever heard discussed before. And even though they were using innuendos, it wasn't subtle enough that I couldn't understand to some degree.
I was in my theatre class, and my group was supposed to be talking to my teacher about our director's project. There were two older men, two younger men, and me. And somehow the conversation went downhill fast. The depth of the vulgarity expressed was unbelievable. I could not believe the way they were talking about women's bodies.
For a while, I felt frozen in my seat. I didn't know what to do... Eventually, the last straw broke and I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. I think the others could tell my state of disgust because as I walked out solemnly, one mentioned, "On that note..." and laughed.
Musing about this situation in my head, I got so angry. I wished as I walked away that I would've said something. I guess its better that I didn't because I wouldn't have "said" anything, I probably would've shouted it (not very nicely.)
I felt depressed, disheartened, and disgusted that those men had no respect for women's dignity. I felt angry that they talked about my gender as though our only purpose was to put on a show for them. Their derogatory remarks were mind-blowing. What was even worse is that they were older men. Like 40 years old. Yet still not grown up enough to know that women are not objects.
I know that men struggle a lot with lust and temptation, and I realize that women play a part in allowing ourselves to be treated disrespectfully. But guys, us girls need men to quit goofing around about our body parts because that is adding heavily to the problem. I have heard so many girls brush aside the crass comments and accept it because "that's the way boys are." I don't think so.
I think that we consider males to be boys for too long. I think once a kid is 14 years old (give or take :), he's old enough to start acting like a man.The definition of "a man" is a male adult. And no, the definition of "an adult" is not 18. You don't just grow up all of the sudden when you have a birthday. Becoming an adult means "to have attained full size and strength; to grow up and mature." So all those "boys" we readily excuse for disrespect have fully achieved the first part of becoming an adult, but they didn't seem to get the memo about the "growing up" part. Talking about girls like they are toys is not mature. We are living breathing human beings who need to be respected as more than the sum of our body parts.
Women need to see more men in action. I have heard way too many Christian girls say "guys are just like that." Not true. Show us different.
To be fair, for every inappropriate man I meet, I find another one who is striving for purity in his life. But not all girls have the opportunity to meet guys who are really trying. They think that all men are animals. Even I have thought this sometimes. If we saw what you were doing or thinking at any given moment, would you be showing us a man of purity or a man of lust?
If I could have the ears of all men for two minutes and 5 seconds, I would say this: Please be a real man. Instead of exercising your abs and busting it so you can have that six-pack, exercise your self control and bust it to become a man of God. Protect our dignity, not just with your own words and actions, but be mindful of other men too. There have been so many times I have been degraded and lusted after, and the men who were with me didn't do a thing to combat it. Stand up for us women, and tell us we are valued.
We need real men in this world. We need you.
Today, I experienced a situation pretty far from anything I've ever heard discussed before. And even though they were using innuendos, it wasn't subtle enough that I couldn't understand to some degree.
I was in my theatre class, and my group was supposed to be talking to my teacher about our director's project. There were two older men, two younger men, and me. And somehow the conversation went downhill fast. The depth of the vulgarity expressed was unbelievable. I could not believe the way they were talking about women's bodies.
For a while, I felt frozen in my seat. I didn't know what to do... Eventually, the last straw broke and I couldn't take it anymore, so I left. I think the others could tell my state of disgust because as I walked out solemnly, one mentioned, "On that note..." and laughed.
Musing about this situation in my head, I got so angry. I wished as I walked away that I would've said something. I guess its better that I didn't because I wouldn't have "said" anything, I probably would've shouted it (not very nicely.)
I felt depressed, disheartened, and disgusted that those men had no respect for women's dignity. I felt angry that they talked about my gender as though our only purpose was to put on a show for them. Their derogatory remarks were mind-blowing. What was even worse is that they were older men. Like 40 years old. Yet still not grown up enough to know that women are not objects.
I know that men struggle a lot with lust and temptation, and I realize that women play a part in allowing ourselves to be treated disrespectfully. But guys, us girls need men to quit goofing around about our body parts because that is adding heavily to the problem. I have heard so many girls brush aside the crass comments and accept it because "that's the way boys are." I don't think so.
I think that we consider males to be boys for too long. I think once a kid is 14 years old (give or take :), he's old enough to start acting like a man.The definition of "a man" is a male adult. And no, the definition of "an adult" is not 18. You don't just grow up all of the sudden when you have a birthday. Becoming an adult means "to have attained full size and strength; to grow up and mature." So all those "boys" we readily excuse for disrespect have fully achieved the first part of becoming an adult, but they didn't seem to get the memo about the "growing up" part. Talking about girls like they are toys is not mature. We are living breathing human beings who need to be respected as more than the sum of our body parts.
Women need to see more men in action. I have heard way too many Christian girls say "guys are just like that." Not true. Show us different.
To be fair, for every inappropriate man I meet, I find another one who is striving for purity in his life. But not all girls have the opportunity to meet guys who are really trying. They think that all men are animals. Even I have thought this sometimes. If we saw what you were doing or thinking at any given moment, would you be showing us a man of purity or a man of lust?
If I could have the ears of all men for two minutes and 5 seconds, I would say this: Please be a real man. Instead of exercising your abs and busting it so you can have that six-pack, exercise your self control and bust it to become a man of God. Protect our dignity, not just with your own words and actions, but be mindful of other men too. There have been so many times I have been degraded and lusted after, and the men who were with me didn't do a thing to combat it. Stand up for us women, and tell us we are valued.
We need real men in this world. We need you.
"Be a man. You must be swift as a coursing river. With all the force of a great typhoon. Be a man. With all the strength of a raging fire. Mysterious as the dark side of the moon" Mulan :) :)
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Last vacation, Lasting peace
Last week marked my final days of summer vacation. It just so happened I got to have my end-of-the-summer hurrah visiting the Vander Veens and hanging out with my cousins on the sandy, warm beach on the Coast :) Normally, that last part would be a joke, because the Oregon coast is usually freezing this time of year, but surprisingly, it was sunny enough for me to wear tanks, shorts, and dresses all week. God knew I wanted a tan when school started :) So it worked out.
We started our trek in Lynden, which is actually the opposite way of the beach, but for some reason, it hardly added to our drive time at all. We got to visit Stephanie, Philip, and Caleb and catch up, marvel at the cuteness of my nephew, change diapers (and outfits :), and just spent time enjoying each other.
Caleb loves his auntie :)
And auntie loves her Caleb!
Pure cuteness.
The family pic :)
Philip, Stephanie, Caleb, Me, Becky, Jacob and Mom the day we left Lynden.
Sad day, but we all looked pretty darn cute. Minus my hair. Avert your eyes, please.
Once we left Lynden, we headed to Lincoln City, Oregon to spend a week in a beach house on the coast. We went with our cousins, the Burris', and hung out with them all week. We had a total blast, but it was also super relaxing for me. Before that, I was stressing about school and my new job, but once I set foot on the sand, I literally lost track of time and dates and planning and spent my whole vacations just being.
Most of the days we were there, we spent time in the ocean. As I said before, it was unbelievably warm, and on top of that, our good friends the Diaz's let us borrow their wetsuits. Our mom bought us kids some boogie boards, and we spent a good portion of time in the water, trying to catch some waves to ride. We had a lot of fun, and my mom even did it with us!
The clan after spending the afternoon in the water.
The younger girls, playing in the sand and soaking their feet in the little sand pool.
(L to R) Grace, Hope, Hannah, Becky, and Claire
Me and the babes :)
One of the most memorable days of the trip was Thursday, when we spent the entire afternoon and evening on the beach. We started out building sandcastles and making volcanos, then we walked down to the tide pools a short way off to explore the rocks. There were jellyfish all over the place washed up the shore-one for sure was still alive (it was pulsing), so Jon put it back in the water. It was kind-of scary where we were because we went at low tide, so we were walking on rocks that were normally covered in water. When the waves came in, it got up to knee deep within moments, so I tried to avoid getting washed away with the seaweed when the tide came. I got to see a starfish, which I was glad about, and we found baby crabs, shells, and the like.
Playing in the sand, even the moms!
Becky, Mom, April, Claire, Grace, and Hannah
One of our many sand volcanoes :)
Me Jacob and Becky at the tide pools.
If you look closely, you can see that where we were standing is usually surrounded by water.
The beautiful ocean rocks at the tide pools.
Not the best place to surf or boogie board obviously :) but still a great beach view nonetheless.
A purple starfish,
When we finished at the tide pools, we set up camp around some logs surrounding a fire pit to roast hot dogs and make s'mores. I had a lot of fun with my cousins- Even though they're younger than me, they know how to have a fun time! Especially when it involves singing "Everything is Awesome" from the Lego Movie :)
The cousins :)
Hannah, Jacob, Becky, Me, Elijah, and Gracie.
Hannah on a sugar high after chowing down on a s'more :)
The sunset that night was BEAUTIFUL. I wonder if there was ever a more magnificient view than the sunsets I saw on the beach. I wonder often how people can go to the ocean and STILL not believe in God. It's a wonder.
This almost looks like a painting to me, but its totally real.
After the twentieth take (mostly my fault :), we finally got the perfect family picture.
Once the sun went down, I pulled out my guitar and we sang worship songs together by the fire as the kids lit off sparklers. It was an amazing night.
I was a little worried about getting sand in my guitar, but I decided that if I did, I would just shake it like a maraca and strum at the same time :)
The last full day we were there, I got to fly a kite for the first time in FOREVER. It just so happened that the wind picked up that day, so the dragon kite which was so graciously given to us as a gift became my project for the day. We aren't normally dragon people, but that kite was amazing- it looked like the wings were flapping as it was flying through the air. It was like a dream, and now I can't get Mary Poppins out of my head :)
Me and you can kind-of see the back of the kite.
My mom doesn't like dragons, so she cut it out as a joke. Then the camera died before we could get another picture. But this one turned out pretty cool, actually. At least I think, anyway :)
Another memorable thing for me was getting to hang out with my twin baby cousins. I loved the way they would say "Dani" and ask me to take them outside to see the bugs. I got to read them books, sing them songs ("Five little monkeys" was a popular one, as well as "wheels on the bus" :), and play with them. It was so cute, Hope and I walked around the beach collecting rocks to put in her little bucket, and Claire almost fell asleep on me as we were walking around by the tide pools. It was so funny, April ended up telling my mom that Hope was asking where I was the day after we left :)
Me and Hope after bedtime songs :) So cute :)
We left for home on Saturday. It was a little hard to say goodbye to the peaceful serenity of the ocean. I felt so free and refreshed, walking along the beach every day, breathing the fresh air and feeling God's presence. I finally understood why "Oceans" is such a powerful worship song- those waves ARE intimidating. I remember one day thinking "I can't believe Peter walked out on those waves... in a STORM." It freaked me out just thinking about it, especially since they were in the middle of the sea (who knows what kind of creatures are lurking... AAAH!). Even though the ocean in my eyes can be frighteningly unknown and vast, it is to me a greater revelation of the mystery and vastness of God. The day we left was a little sad, but I'm so glad for the revelations I received and the memories I made.
Saying one last goodbye to the beautiful ocean!
Monday, August 18, 2014
The boy who stole my heart
If you haven't seen me around lately, its because I've been fawning for the last week (and not to depress anyone, but this might be going on for a while :) over my long awaited NEPHEW! On August 9th, 2014, I got to hold his little 8 lb 11oz body for the first time and kiss his sweet little head. Now that I'm an auntie, its going to take a lot to get me away from my little guy. I could hold him for hours- he is so beautiful that I can hardly stand it.
It all started out Friday night. My girlfriends Kim, Lizzy, and I went to a Dust Devils baseball game, and afterwords, I went over to Lizzy's house spur of the moment to spend the night, which meant that I didn't have any extra clothes. Or make-up. Or anything I would need to jump in the car when my sister called to say she was in labor. I had a half-packed bag waiting at home, but I had decided to wait to finish until we were about to leave. I was certain that after waiting all week for the call, that my nephew was not coming tonight. Well, obviously, my womanly intuition was a little off because I was wrong. Dead wrong!
After staying up until after 2:00am (talking about pregnancy and labor of all things :), I woke up about an hour later to the sound of Lizzy whispering "Dani!" in an effort to wake me up. I think I kind of freaked her out because as soon as she said my name, I sat up straight in bed to figure out what was going on. It turned out my phone had been ringing on the nightstand but I had been too conked out to hear it (no wonder Lizzy was startled- she probably thought I was too tired to hear her whispering :). As soon as she mentioned my phone going off, I knew it could only mean one thing.
Yep. My sister's water had broken in the middle of the night and my mom was packing up the kids to leave for Lynden. Baby Vander Veen was on his way!
I quickly got dressed, called someone at the house to finish packing my bag for me (I am obviously not a Boy Scout because I do not live by the "Be Prepared" motto! Special thanks to those who covered for me on this one. Needless to say, I learned a good lesson about expecting the unexpected), then my mom picked me up at Lizzy's house a little after 4 in the morning. My mom told me to sleep, but I knew I needed to trade her driving in an hour, and once I fell back asleep, I wouldn't be able to stay awake. So I toughed it out, ended up getting a cat nap in the car later, as well as about five more naps when we crashed at Philip and Stephanie's later that day.
We arrived at about 9:30 and dropped my mom off at the hospital. It was like, the longest day ever, waiting, waiting, WAITING to hear what was going on. At this point, my sister was still breech, so I spent a lot of time texting that day, as we had a whole team if people praying for a miracle.
I heard back later in the afternoon that the baby didn't turn and that Stephanie had gone in for a c-section. At 2:50, the sweet little baby boy was born!
The next three days were full of drives to the hospital, sibling duty, coffee runs, and prayers for recovery and safety. It was exhausting, but SO worth it, even though my nephew BAWLED the first time I held him. Apparently, it wasn't my fault because he was having a tummy ache, but by the end, I was crying too, not because I was stressed (okay, maybe I was a little :) but because he was just so precious and he was in my arms at last.
I can already tell my nephew takes after me in several ways. First, the name Philip and Steph picked out didn't fit him, just like the name Catherine didn't fit me. So he remained nameless (sound familiar :) until three days after he was born. But it was worth the wait to finally hear his name: Caleb Thayne (pronounced Thay-in) Vander Veen. He also takes after me because he likes to sleep a lot. And also, he is just so sweet, just like me :) :) :) That last one was kind-of a joke. Maybe I have a few things to learn from baby Caleb :)
I guess the moral of the story is... WHO NEEDS A BOYFRIEND WHEN YOU HAVE A NEPHEW??? I would way rather spend the day cuddling with little Caleb than with a hairy sweaty man boy who hasn't learned yet how to deal with the complex emotions of women. Granted, one day Caleb may grow up to think girls are gross. But for now, all he knows is that his Aunt Dani loves him so much, and he is content to sleep in my arms as I dream of the day when I will have my own son, so long as I get over my sweaty-man-boy-phobia and find someone to settle down with.
But for now, I have Caleb to love and cherish. And he is the best little guy a girl could ask for.
It all started out Friday night. My girlfriends Kim, Lizzy, and I went to a Dust Devils baseball game, and afterwords, I went over to Lizzy's house spur of the moment to spend the night, which meant that I didn't have any extra clothes. Or make-up. Or anything I would need to jump in the car when my sister called to say she was in labor. I had a half-packed bag waiting at home, but I had decided to wait to finish until we were about to leave. I was certain that after waiting all week for the call, that my nephew was not coming tonight. Well, obviously, my womanly intuition was a little off because I was wrong. Dead wrong!
After staying up until after 2:00am (talking about pregnancy and labor of all things :), I woke up about an hour later to the sound of Lizzy whispering "Dani!" in an effort to wake me up. I think I kind of freaked her out because as soon as she said my name, I sat up straight in bed to figure out what was going on. It turned out my phone had been ringing on the nightstand but I had been too conked out to hear it (no wonder Lizzy was startled- she probably thought I was too tired to hear her whispering :). As soon as she mentioned my phone going off, I knew it could only mean one thing.
Yep. My sister's water had broken in the middle of the night and my mom was packing up the kids to leave for Lynden. Baby Vander Veen was on his way!
I quickly got dressed, called someone at the house to finish packing my bag for me (I am obviously not a Boy Scout because I do not live by the "Be Prepared" motto! Special thanks to those who covered for me on this one. Needless to say, I learned a good lesson about expecting the unexpected), then my mom picked me up at Lizzy's house a little after 4 in the morning. My mom told me to sleep, but I knew I needed to trade her driving in an hour, and once I fell back asleep, I wouldn't be able to stay awake. So I toughed it out, ended up getting a cat nap in the car later, as well as about five more naps when we crashed at Philip and Stephanie's later that day.
We arrived at about 9:30 and dropped my mom off at the hospital. It was like, the longest day ever, waiting, waiting, WAITING to hear what was going on. At this point, my sister was still breech, so I spent a lot of time texting that day, as we had a whole team if people praying for a miracle.
I heard back later in the afternoon that the baby didn't turn and that Stephanie had gone in for a c-section. At 2:50, the sweet little baby boy was born!
The next three days were full of drives to the hospital, sibling duty, coffee runs, and prayers for recovery and safety. It was exhausting, but SO worth it, even though my nephew BAWLED the first time I held him. Apparently, it wasn't my fault because he was having a tummy ache, but by the end, I was crying too, not because I was stressed (okay, maybe I was a little :) but because he was just so precious and he was in my arms at last.
I can already tell my nephew takes after me in several ways. First, the name Philip and Steph picked out didn't fit him, just like the name Catherine didn't fit me. So he remained nameless (sound familiar :) until three days after he was born. But it was worth the wait to finally hear his name: Caleb Thayne (pronounced Thay-in) Vander Veen. He also takes after me because he likes to sleep a lot. And also, he is just so sweet, just like me :) :) :) That last one was kind-of a joke. Maybe I have a few things to learn from baby Caleb :)
I guess the moral of the story is... WHO NEEDS A BOYFRIEND WHEN YOU HAVE A NEPHEW??? I would way rather spend the day cuddling with little Caleb than with a hairy sweaty man boy who hasn't learned yet how to deal with the complex emotions of women. Granted, one day Caleb may grow up to think girls are gross. But for now, all he knows is that his Aunt Dani loves him so much, and he is content to sleep in my arms as I dream of the day when I will have my own son, so long as I get over my sweaty-man-boy-phobia and find someone to settle down with.
But for now, I have Caleb to love and cherish. And he is the best little guy a girl could ask for.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Conference Countdown= Five Days!
It's that time of year again... time for Stuebenville Northwest! My church homies and I have started getting ready for it. Getting ready basically means bonding. Like the lock-in at my house last night. And fundraising. Because we are all broke high schoolers. The conference is literally only five days away. And I am excited for it this time :)
We had a lock-in for the teens at my house last night so everybody could get to know each other better before we all go and bawl our eyes out every day/ laugh like freaks at dumb things next week. We started out with adoration/praise and worship, then we came back to my house for the debriefing. After that we played some night Frisbee (dangerous, especially when you don't have a light up Frisbee :) and some link tag (more dangerous), finishing up with a never ending game of "I have never" (the most dangerous game, like, ever in my life). I have a bruised knee. Why? From Connor slamming his knee into mine as we both attempted to sit in the same seat. I have a sore rib. Why? From Michael hip checking me in the side as I (successfully, I might add :) attempted to steal his chair. By the end of the night, people were falling over backwards in their chairs from the intensity (aka Jenn LOL :) and having ultimate face-offs to see who could sneakily slide their booty into the spot before the other person. It was awesome :)
After that girls slept downstairs, boys upstairs. Apparently, the girls were being "loud" and the boys were trying to eavesdrop on us. The next morning they confessed that they picked up bits and pieces of our conversation, which sent us girls in a panic trying to recall what we were talking about (since of course we were talking about them :) :) :) JK :) It's okay though because we accidentally got back at them before we'd even known what they were trying to do- We quietly snuck upstairs in the morning to go for a coffee run, but the door from the stairs was squeaking really loudly, which made us all giggle, then Maggie accidentally knocked over the broom, which went crashing down and woke the poor boys up. Oh well. At least we brought them coffees home :)
After breakfast, everybody went down to the church for a car wash to raise money to pay for the expenses. We had a blast, making fools of ourselves waving signs and pointing arrows on the street corners and making McDonald's runs. It was also the perfect opportunity to soak people while having a good excuse. We had way too much fun doing that I think, although now, along with my injured knee and ribs, my legs and arms are sore from the six hours of washing cars :) Oh well. I may not get out of bed tomorrow, but it was fun while it lasted.
This entire year, I have been so blessed to make friends within my church. I've always had plenty of non-Catholic friends, but now, I'm starting to get really strong relationships with people of my same faith. And I love it. Being able to talk about my faith without explaining it has been so freeing. Even without having gone to the conference yet, I can tell that we are going to have a good time.
I have a feeling it's gonna be a good summer.
We had a lock-in for the teens at my house last night so everybody could get to know each other better before we all go and bawl our eyes out every day/ laugh like freaks at dumb things next week. We started out with adoration/praise and worship, then we came back to my house for the debriefing. After that we played some night Frisbee (dangerous, especially when you don't have a light up Frisbee :) and some link tag (more dangerous), finishing up with a never ending game of "I have never" (the most dangerous game, like, ever in my life). I have a bruised knee. Why? From Connor slamming his knee into mine as we both attempted to sit in the same seat. I have a sore rib. Why? From Michael hip checking me in the side as I (successfully, I might add :) attempted to steal his chair. By the end of the night, people were falling over backwards in their chairs from the intensity (aka Jenn LOL :) and having ultimate face-offs to see who could sneakily slide their booty into the spot before the other person. It was awesome :)
After that girls slept downstairs, boys upstairs. Apparently, the girls were being "loud" and the boys were trying to eavesdrop on us. The next morning they confessed that they picked up bits and pieces of our conversation, which sent us girls in a panic trying to recall what we were talking about (since of course we were talking about them :) :) :) JK :) It's okay though because we accidentally got back at them before we'd even known what they were trying to do- We quietly snuck upstairs in the morning to go for a coffee run, but the door from the stairs was squeaking really loudly, which made us all giggle, then Maggie accidentally knocked over the broom, which went crashing down and woke the poor boys up. Oh well. At least we brought them coffees home :)
After breakfast, everybody went down to the church for a car wash to raise money to pay for the expenses. We had a blast, making fools of ourselves waving signs and pointing arrows on the street corners and making McDonald's runs. It was also the perfect opportunity to soak people while having a good excuse. We had way too much fun doing that I think, although now, along with my injured knee and ribs, my legs and arms are sore from the six hours of washing cars :) Oh well. I may not get out of bed tomorrow, but it was fun while it lasted.
Justin, Kim, and me chilling out at the car wash.
Just FYI, Justin actually wasn't' supposed to be in the picture. He totally photo bombed us, yet somehow made it look like he was meant to be there all along :)
This entire year, I have been so blessed to make friends within my church. I've always had plenty of non-Catholic friends, but now, I'm starting to get really strong relationships with people of my same faith. And I love it. Being able to talk about my faith without explaining it has been so freeing. Even without having gone to the conference yet, I can tell that we are going to have a good time.
I have a feeling it's gonna be a good summer.
"We don't even have to try, it's always a good time!" Owl City
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