One wild week

My true colors always come out during VBS. For some reason, every year when I get on that stage in front of all those kids and teach them about Jesus (complete with rockin' dance moves!), I feel content and happy. This year, though, as I've become more comfortable on stage, I felt like I could bring out my wild side more  than ever. It helped that the theme was "Weird Animals" :) This year I really stepped out more than I was used to, as my fellow stage leader offered me the opportunity to take more of work load, which I gladly accepted. However, being the focal point for these kids proved to be a challenging experience, but definately a growing one.

I had to learn to laugh at myself when I blanked out on what I was supposed to say and the whole room was silent as my eyes desparately searched in my handbook for the next sentence. I had to get over my fear of my voice cracking as I belted the "whoaaaaa"s into the microphone as we sang together about how we wanted to be like Jesus. Yet at the end of the day, I realized that those kids couldn't care less about whether I forgot what I was supposed to say for one second (or ten ;) or if I hit a wrong note (which, thankfully, never happened... I think). What really matters is the fact that those kids were learning about God's love through me. For some of those kids, the one week they had at Vacation Bible School will be one of the only times they will hear about the depth of love God has for them. And what I found was that the more the focus was on God instead of the mess-ups, the more things fell into place amidst the mistakes. When I was singing loudly, it didn't matter if I hit the right note because when the kids heard me singing, they matched my volume (not kidding!). The louder I sang, the louder they sang. It was awesome!

The last day of VBS was bittersweet. 

This was taken on Friday at the finale while we were doing our last experiement of the week.

In memory of "weird animals" I decided to wear my cheetah dress...

 

...Aaaaand paint my face like a cat. The kids totally loved it :)

Me and my sister Lizzy acting... I was going to say weird, but this is actually fairly normal for us :)

Lizzy graciously woke up early to paint my face with black eyeliner.

At least it washed off easier than the Robin Hood beard we drew on with black marker a few years ago (don't ask!)

Rebecca, me, and Jacob in our awesome blue VBS shirts.

Right after VBS ended on Friday, we packed up the car and headed to Lyden to visit my sister and brother-in-law for a week and a half. You may be wondering if I washed off my cat face before we went on this trek. The answer is no. I didn't. And we went to Costco. In  another city, thankfully :) I can't tell you how many smiles, laughs, comments, questions, and 'you are creepy' looks I got that day. My favorite as I passed was "Free kitties?" I got a good laugh over that one, and the older man replied, "What, I had to say something :)" The woman checking reciepts wouldn't stop meowing at me. I never realized what a great conversation starter it was to look like a cat. I've never talked to that many people I didn't know in a single day.

When we finally got to Stephanie and Philip's, it was time to work! Stephanie is 8 months pregnant and there were things that needed to be done to get ready for baby Vander Veen, so we brought five pairs of extra hands to get the work done. We got so much completed it was awesome! And the funny part is, even though we were working, we all had a blast! I probably gained ten pounds from all the dessert we had while we were there. Hopefully I burned it all off running around setting off fireworks on the 4th. Seriously, I hope it is annual to go to Lynden for the 4th of July because my brother-in-law knows his fireworks! He helped us pick some out, including smoke bombs (we lit off all 72 :), sparklers, the big guys that burst in the air, and pretty much like everything awesome. It was epic.

Another really special event that happened was the first Andersen BABY SHOWER! This is the first grandbaby and nephew on our side, and we are SO excited for that little boy to enter this world and enter our lives completely once he's born. I know Stephanie and Philip are going to be the most loving parents to that little guy, and he is going to have the best aunts and uncles and grandparents ever because we already love him so much. The shower was small, with just a few of Stephanie's close friends from the area. We played a few games, ate some cheesecake, and celebrated the life of my little nephew. 

Overall, life has been wild. But a good wild, you know? Like the "I wasn't expecting life to be like this, but I like it" wild. The sparatic, adventerous, contented wild side where you know in your heart that the loops and turns and craziness has really changed you for the better and made you cling to God like never before. The realization has come that the cage I'm lived in was one that I created for myself, but God was calling me into the wilderness of freedom. And I love it there.

"I don't like formal gardens. I like wild nature. It's just the wilderness instinct in me, I guess." Walt Disney

FREEDOM!!

I am officially on summer break. AND I'm super excited about it. It is so crazy to me that I finished my freshman year of college. And now I'm a high school senior. I feel so old!

 I would say that I'll have more time to blog now that school is finally over, but I have so many plans this summer that I might not get around to blogging much. Next week is VBS, which I am helping with again as the dance leader and skit coordinator helper person, and the week after that I will be visiting my sister and brother-in-law in Lynden and throwing a baby shower for my baby nephew who is soon to be born. I am also planning on going to the Stuebenville conference again this year, plus attending Creation northwest which is in my hometown the last week of July. I will also be taking a family vacation with my cousins to the BEACH which I am SO excited about!! And of course, I hope to spend lots of time with my sister when the baby is born this August.

I have high hopes for my summer, but mostly, I would be happy to just relax and unwind after such a stressful and life-changing year. I am trying so hard to just stay in the moment, but I often find my mind wandering to the future, thinking about graduating from high school next year, trying to figure out what to do with my life. I'm at that point in my life where I am realizing more and more that I am growing up so fast (you'd think I was my own grandma as I say that about myself ;) In less than a year, I will be an adult in the eyes of the state. I will be old enough to vote, old enough to sign my own waiver at the tanning salon, old enough to live on my own, and old enough to (gulp) get married if I wanted to. I am feeling slightly freaked out at the moment. It was just yesterday I was 12 and wishing for the day to come. Now it's almost upon me and I'm wondering where all the time went.

Overall, I want this summer to be carefree and joyful. I remember a lesson my mother always reminded me of when I was a girl trying to grow up to fast. She said that I will have the rest of my life to be an adult, but that I should enjoy being a kid while I could because one day, I wouldn't be a kid anymore. Well, this is my last "kid" summer, and I am going to quit worrying about money and school and work and making a future for myself, and instead relax in the last moments of childhood that I have forever. This year, I want to relax in the time that I have here and now. And have an awesome summer!

"What time is it? Summer time! It's our vacation. What time is it? Party time! That's right. Say it loud. What time is it? The time of our lives. Anticipation. What time is it? Summer time! Schools out, scream and shout!"*

* I hope that you all know what this is from :) I decided to play a tribute to my childhood since we were on the subject. It seemed fitting ;)

 

Memories

So much has happened the last couple weeks, I haven't really had time to blog. With confirmation, prom, and school, it seems that my leisure time has been cut down significantly. Not today though. Today I am relaxing- I am in my exercise clothes and I am planning on going nowhere and doing nothing. Except, of course, catching up on my blog :) And doing laundry.

Two weeks ago, I was confirmed into the Catholic Church. I took the name Catherine, which was very special to me for numerous reasons. 

1) I was almost named Catherine, but once they saw me, they changed their minds. So they brought me home, and I was nameless for a few days until they called the hospital to tell them what to put on my birth certificate. 

 2) St. Catherine of Sienna is one of the four female doctors of the church. She was a scholar and theologian, which struck a chord with me because I love academics and studying theology.

3) St. Catherine of Alexandria was a virgin martyr who proclaimed that Christ would be her only bridegroom. Her purity inspired me.

4) Once I decided on these names, I put them all together, and my initials spell "DLCASA," which in Spanish (del casa) means "the house." This was an affirmation that I am the house of God, so it seemed appropriate for me to take this new spiritual name. 

It was a bittersweet occasion- I prepared with the same group of kids for two years. We went on SEARCH together, had monthly gatherings that lasted several hours, and we went to youth group together every Sunday night. I learned so much about the Lord, my faith, and myself. This experience was a big deal. The day of my Confirmation, I had so much support! My family, including my sister and brother-in-law from Lynden and my sister from Montana, were all there. My sponsor, Wendy Nuxoll, and her family were there, along with my cousin April and her family as well as my friend Kim. I felt so much love and support on this momentous occasion. It truly made my day even more special!

 

My confirmation buddies.

I will miss you *sniff* :)

  

Fr Auve, me, and the Bisop

 Look, my forehead is glistening :)

 

Me and my sponsor, Wendy Nuxoll

Thank you for supporting me through this journey! 

Five days later, it was prom. Planning for two major events back to back is not easy, but we did it. A couple friends of mine came over for pizza dinner, and then we all ROCKED OUT on the dance floor. It was SO fun. I led some dance instruction too (which was slightly stressful) but thankfully my dear friends helped me out.

 

Everyone at my house for pizza before dancing the night away :)

L to R: Eric, Jacob, Ryan, Annika, Lizzy, me, Kim, Emma, Connor, Jake and Justin

 My dear girlfriends Kim and Lizzy <3

Love you both so much :)

*Gabbie- we missed you girl!

 

I laugh hysterically every time I see this picture :)

We were having such a good time!

 

Fooling around in the photo booth.

We are weird. Just saying :)

 

SMILE!

  

My date, Connor, and me having a blast

 

My princess dress :)

The theme of the dance was 1940's and my dress was PERFECT

The sheer covering was custom made for me- special thanks to Jennifer :)

Yes, my life has been crazy (no pun intended :) but its been good. Yes, its also been very difficult for me to make it through life's twists and turns, but I am alive and kicking none the less. 

Praise God for pulling me through the good, the bad, and the oh-so ugly. I laughed, I cried, it moved me Bob. I'll always look back on these days with gratitude for all the memories and gratefulness that I lived through it. And live through it I did. I am thankful for the sacrifices that those heroes endured so I could live a full life. On this Memorial Day, I am thankful for those who paid the ultimate price so I could be free. Service men and Jesus Christ, I owe all to you.

 

I guess I must be crazy...?

I am taking an abnormal psych class at CBC this quarter, and my teacher warned us on the first day of class not to start diagnosing ourselves and those around us just because they have the symptoms of a particular mental disorder. However, I have a hard time not doing that, and I've already found myself making very educated guesses as to certain people's mental health, including my own. What can I say? When the statistics show that 50% (which by the way is half of everyone I know) of the human population will have a mental disorder in their lifetime, how can I not exercise my precise knowledge paired with my womanly intuition? It's foolproof.

Anyways, today in class we learned about Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Let me rephrase that: Today in class, we learned about me :) Let me give you a little back story.

The past several months, I have struggled constantly with anxiety. It's like a feeling that just stays with me and never fully goes away. My brain has felt extremely overloaded, especially with school starting and some family problems happening at my house. I've had trouble sleeping since the beginning of the year, and heaven forbid I drink caffeine or I'll be up all night. The past few weeks its gotten significantly worse as I've felt overwhelmed with everything. And overwhelmed with nothing. Like a constant cloud of anxiety that just looms over my head all the time, tiring me out and never giving me a moment's rest.

The past week, it got so bad that I have had ZERO motivation to do anything. Not even anything social (which is HUGE, if you know me). So I talked to my doctor about it and asked for a blood test (which is also HUGE if you know me. I hate needles and blood and rubber bands. Blech).

After a traumatizing experience getting my blood taken, the results were sent into the doctor. I will find out tomorrow afternoon what's going on. As for now, I have my own speculations after our discussion in class today.

As I was listening to my teacher describe this disorder, I was checking off my mental checklist. Restlessness, fatigue, irritability, muscle tension, and sleep disturbance? Yep, that pretty much sounds slightly and/or a lot like me. Constant stimulation of the parasympathetic nervous system while lacking the inhibitory input? Yes. Pick me. Lack of appetite followed by a ravenous one? Absolutely. I feel either not hungry at all, or starving. There is no in between.

Often the anxiety is caused by stressful situations or beliefs that worry somehow is valuable to one's well-being. Whatever the cause, I told my psych buddies Katherine and Eric my new diagnosis for myself, and Eric reminded me that she told us we would think we're sick.:) While that is true, I do think there something serious going on here. The past few days have been an emotional roller coaster, with my blood test (which = numb arm for the rest of the day) and missing my class this morning because I was crying the the car for an hour after hitting the bumper of a parked car while I was pulling into school this morning. Hopefully, tomorrow I will be fully enlightened as to my physical and psychological condition. And I will soon enlighten you also.

To be continued.... :) :) :)

What a glorious sacrifice

The longer I'm alive, the more I wonder and marvel at the beauty of the Resurrection story. Every year, the glory and greatness of the power of God becomes more real and tangible through the celebration of Easter. As I've grown older, I've come to appreciate so much more the life that was brought to the world the day Christ defeated death by rising from the grave. I see how this unfathomable occasion changed my life, but I don't think I will ever be able to grasp how this event actually changed my life. That through the cross and bloodshed that 2000 years ago, and ultimately, in His glorious resurrection, I can live in freedom and peace in Jesus Christ. This is not only an awe-inspiring event, but one I cannot wrap my human mind around. What love He has for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He paid the ultimate penalty, yet so often we Christians take that sacrifice for granted.

How many times have I carelessly thrown aside the grace God offers me through His Son's blood? How many times have I been willingly ignorant and unaccepting of the totally faithful love Christ constantly offers to me through his scarred hands and pierced side? How many times do I grieve the Spirit of God when I brush Him aside and take no notice of His presence? How many times have I wounded the heart of the Lord? Too many to count.

I remember the days when I cared more about my Easter dress and eating candy then I cared about remembering the glorious Resurrection of Christ. I remember the days when I was so focused on Easter being the day when Lent was OVER that I forgot it wasn't always about the sugar. I remember the days when I realized how little self-control I actually had during Lent, only to spend the next 40 days complaining instead of offering it up to God. Oh wait. "Those days" aren't far behind me. In fact, these are the things I struggle with to this day. Praise God for His unfailing graces.

The 40 days of fasting is over, and the 50 days of celebrating has begun. However, I want to encourage all of you NEVER to forget the depth of His sacrifice or the power in His resurrection. Remember always that Christ is our hope and our life. To Him be all glory forever!

"Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people, and hallelujah is our song!" Pope St. John Paul II

Spring adventures

Wow.... It's been forever since I've posted! So much has been going on with finals, spring break (YES), and then starting up spring quarter again at CBC.

So far, things have been going roughly smoothly (oxymoron) with transitioning from vacation mode to real life again. My spring break was pretty great, driving up to Seattle with my little sister, meeting my mom there, then visiting my sister, brother-in-law, and baby in Lynden. It was a totally great and fun experience, getting away from the stress for a week. I mean, of course, things were a little hectic driving through Seattle without another adult, but my mom was great about helping me get around and letting me follow her.

While in Seattle, we went to the Pacific Science Center, visited Pike's Place Market and the first Starbucks (I will only ever drink there that one time ;), and just walked around the city.

  

Holding a crab at the petting zoo at PSC with my siblings ;)

 

Mom, Becky, me, and Jake in the butterfly exhibit.

 

Having fun with my sibs in the hotel room.

Don't ask me what is going on :) I don't know.

 

In Pike's Place Market, where the fish-flying happens!

I figured out how much I love big cities on this trip. There's so much to do!

When we continued upward to Lynden, I had a great time catching up with my sister and brother-in-law, as well as getting to feel my little NEPHEW kicking!!!! I can't wait until he's born- he is going to be so cute! I also got my haircut and did some shopping while I was there. It was wonderful, and I was really sad to come home. I actually planned on coming home Thursday, but we (me, Jacob, and Becky) ended up leaving Saturday. We were having way too much fun!

We didn't get too many pictures in Lynden, but we had a blast every single day! We went to Woods literally every day (btw, Woods is the most amazing coffee chain in Northern WA). We laughed so hard it hurt doing Tim Hawkins impersonations, watching "Father of the Bride Two" (funniest movie ever!) and dealing with my brother's "lactose intolerance" :) :) :)

 

Having fun at the Vander Veens!

My little brother thinks he looks stupid in this picture, but that's what you get when you try to fit 5 people into a selfie. Sorry bud, you only get one try!

 

Stephanie, Baby Vander Veen, and me <3 

We also made several trips to the park, where I, with my cowboy boots in tow, along with the clan, risked the kiddy rock wall and showed our true amazon warrior colors.

Needless to say, I had a reality check when I came home from my paradise spring break trip. Just yesterday, I brought my sister and her friend to the park to play. I got overly ambitious on the monkey bars, skipped two, but my legs were too long and my knee smashed right into the metal bar used to climb up. I ended up with a bruise and a goose egg the size of a golf ball. Ya. It looked like I had a second knee. Apparently my warrior skills work best in Lynden :) I am hoping to go back as soon as I can, but for right now, I will try to keep myself out of trouble and off the monkey bars.

A Birthday to Remember: 16 Going on 17

What comes around, goes around, so they say. However, I was NOT expecting a surprise birthday party when I woke up this morning. My birthday isn't for two weeks after all. And I mean, a girl can hope and think how awesome it would be to have her friends plan a party for her, but normally its just a fun thought to entertain. However, today, that girl was me :) And I was blown away by what my amazing friends put together to celebrate... well, me! ESPECIALLY because it is practically impossible to plan something without me knowing about it. But plan they did. And I had no idea what was going on behind closed doors!

So the past couple weeks, my mom had been planning for her and I to go out to lunch with a dear friend of ours (Mrs. Diaz :) who had encouraged me and opened her home to me during a mini-crisis. In the back of my mind, I was feeling skeptical about the whole thing, since the whole thing seemed kind of out of the ordinary. I learned later it was an excuse to get me out of my sweats (literally. I worked out at the gym this morning!) Anyway, I went to lunch without anything peculiar. UNTIL.

My friends Lizzy and Kim show up out of NO where, and kidnap me. Seriously. Apparently, the whole thing was a set-up. So I hopped in the car (no idea where we were going). The girls ended up taking me on a shopping trip- no boys this time :) Then they took me back to my house to get ready to go "somewhere." All they would tell me is that I needed to be dressed up. 

  

Kim, me, and Lizzy before going "somewhere"

If I look overly ecstatic, its because I am :)

They brought me to Olive Garden after successfully confusing me to where we were going (special thanks to Kim for the extra turns in the car to throw me off while my eyes were closed :) The girls walked me past the lines of people waiting to be seated, telling me they had a reservation. However, the "reservation" was actually a table full of my dear friends, who had all gathered to celebrate my birth. I was shocked, to put it lightly. Lizzy told me later that all the planning was worth it to see the look on my face when I saw all those people. I couldn't keep my jaw from dropping and my lips from smiling. And it gets better :)

After an amazing dinner with great conversation, we said adios and headed back to my house, just the three of us. Until about 20 minutes later, when everyone surprised me again by showing up at my house while I was downstairs changing. Yeesh! So many unexpected activities today, yet I loved every minute of it!

 The last surprise of the day.

Kim and Lizzy compiled a photo scrapbook for me, filled with photographed memories with the people I care about and sweet, handcrafted notes alongside the smiling pictures.

 As I read through the beautiful words of encouragement and love, I knew God was reminding me of how much He cares for me. And He expressed it through these marvelous people.

My amazing friends whom I love so dearly, each from different walks of life yet all so important to me. 

And side note, the shirt/earrings I am wearing are the fruit of our shopping trip earlier in the day :)

Having a blast partying at my house :)

The fabulous guests (L to R)

Morgan, Sara, Liz, Kim, Eric, me, Ethan, Maggie, Ryan, Devon,  Lizzy, Sis, and Marissa (not pictured: Calloway, who came late after work)

Another miracle- my sister from Montana just happened to be in town the day of the party with her ministry team. Seriously, God has some wonderful plans up His sleeve!

 

My birthday cake, made by Kim. It was a volleyball with my number "16" on it. And 17 candles, of course!

 

Here is a small secret. I didn't even make a wish. What could I possibly wish for after such an amazing day? All I know is this: God is good. He poured His love onto me so powerfully today through this blessed experience. The only thing I missed was the people who couldn't be there today, for whatever reason. My dear friend and sister Stephanie (and her hubby too!) were unable to be with us at my special party. And also, my dear friend and sister Gabbie, whom I miss so very much. Please know I missed you all who couldn't attend, but I know that you love me even though you couldn't be with me.

And special thanks to all the people who put such hard work into making this the best day ever. Kim and Lizzy: You guys are the BEST party planners I ever met! Way to surprise me- sooo hard to do, but you guys managed. Ryan and Eric: Since Olive Garden doesn't actually do reservations on Fridays, thanks for spending the extra hour waiting and waiting and saving us the table. Mom: Thanks for all the housework and controlling my schedule (even though I was unhappy about that for a while :). And to all the people who showed up. You have no idea what an impact you've made on my life. I can't wait until the day when we all get to heaven, so you can see how much your love has meant to me. 

Thank you, God, that I was born.