Keeping tidy

A few days ago, I decided to do the dreaded task of cleaning my room. My bedroom was a complete mess- I had clothes scattered everywhere, sewing supplies strewn about, and random papers sitting on my dresser. All the items I had used in the past several weeks had accumulated into one humongous pile of messy. My disorganization was not only apparent on my floor, but on my dresser, in my drawers, closet, and even my purse.

To illustrate the dire condition of my room, I've posted a picture below.

 

The top of my dresser was piled with clothes. My garbage hadn't

been dumped in weeks, and my closet (which you can't see very 

well because of the guitar) was full of stuff. 

I know what you're thinking... "Wow, Dani, that is kind-of sick. Like, why are you sharing with us a gross visual of your cooties? Eww... What insight is this blog post giving me besides the fact that we are all grateful that we're not your roomate?"

Well, I wanted to share because once my room gets to a point of dirtiness, it is a real struggle for me to muster up enough energy to really clean (not just stuff everything in my top drawer). I know I have overcome a major obsticale when I clean my room start to finish. Halfway through, I am tempted to give up because the work of sorting through everything is just so grueling. Sometimes, I just look at the mess and feel hopless and desperate. But in the end, when my work is complete, I can rest knowing that I have accomplished something that seemed impossible.

The way I feel about cleaning my room deeply reflects my outlook on my emotional "deep cleans". I often find myself stashing up hurt and pain in my heart, and before I know whats happened, I've accumulated a big mess of fear, stress, and heartache. I look into my heart and realize what a big project it would be to clean my heart out from all the mean words, accusations, and blame that I've held onto. I look at the mess I'm in. It seems impossible to get out of, so I just try to hide it, pretend it's not there. But the mess just gets bigger and bigger, which makes it harder and harder to hide.

After a certain point, I decide that I will take the challenge of doing the work because I know it would be more of a challenge to try to live with my piles of pain hindering. It looks impossible. It feels impossible. And so many times, I am tempted to walk away from the grime that I didn't even realize was there. It seems hopless, like I'm not making any progress, like I'm stuck. And sometimes I am.

But thankfully for me, I can hold to the promise that "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." The narrow road is a hard one, but luckily, we don't have to walk it alone. I can just imagine Jesus carrying me when I feel so beaten down that I can't even move another inch. He is holding me in His loving arms, reminding me that He is always there, even when I feel totally and completely alone.

Somehow in the end, everything works out perfectly. I know my emotional healing will always take upkeeping, just like my room. And I know that He always keeps my best interest in mind, because He knows what I need even more than I know what I need. I am so thankful to have the Holy Trinity here to guide me, lead me, provide for me, and strengthen me on those hard "cleaning days."

My CLEAN room!

Now it's time to clean out my bathroom... :)