Failing to Succeed

I heard some words this week that truly inspired me. They were:

"Hey, so when do we eat???"

"Sure, you hungry for failure? Maybe a side of unemployment? Cause that's what's for lunch."

These words inspired me not because they were extraordinary, but because they'd were real. They were true. They were hilariously painful. Ouch.

I've been thinking a lot about success lately and what that means. I am the type of person who would rather be classified as successful and do little than the person who is ordinary but does much. If I know there is a potential that I may fail, you will find me heading the other direction. Nothing doing.

Yet I've been thinking recently about I can't be truly successful without the potential of failing. Every class I take at CBC, I could fail. Granted, the likelihood of that happening is slim, but still. It could happen.

What's even worse is that, in my mind, if I am not 100% successful, I've failed. For example (I can't believe I'm admitting this) I almost didn't make the Presidents List this last year. Sure I would've made the Dean's List still, but I was super mad (until I found a loophole in the syllabus and raised my grade 2%). Don't you find that slightly ridiculous and majorly obsessive? I am a straight A student, yet when I don't get 100%, you'd think I flunked. Sometimes I just feel like facepalming myself. Having one of those moments now.

It's not just school though. That I can control to some degree. Recently, as I work at a library, I've been seeing all these photos of skanky celebrities with chests bigger than coconuts (*just quoting the Bible here :)* and booties bigger than elephants and abs perfectly toned as they flaunt what they got for everybody and their dog.

I don't have a six-pack. For crying out loud I don't even have a one pack (if there is such a thing). I got curves, but I don't look half as proportional as Taylor Swift or Katy Perry. I had to look at myself in comparasion and ask, "What do I see as successful? Would I really want to be like them?"

No. I wouldn't.

If successful is being on the front page of "Rolling Stone" or "People" wearing nothing but a malfunctioning loincloth (I mean seriously, Tarzan was more modest then that ya'll), then I will be a failure in Hollywood's eyes forever. And if success is defined by how defined you are on the outside, then I'll never get there.

But if success is defined by having someone look into my eyes instead of straight to my exposed chest; if success is defined by working hard even when I'd rather be blogging (hehe... In progress :); if success is becoming the best version of yourself for the good of God's kingdom; then maybe I am more successful than I think.

And you know what? Sometimes I'm going to mess up. I'm going to stick my foot in my big mouth. I may get lazy and take my eyes off the prize *hypothetically speaking, lol*: I'm going to be dumb sometimes, like when I stay up late blogging when I work the opening shift (aka leave my house at 6:30) the next morning Sometimes I can't sleep. Sometimes I don't have time to shower and smell nice. Sometimes I get distracted and don't pay attention- like just now. Sometimes it happens. Oh well.

All I know, is I am hungry. Literally, yes (As usual, lol) and figuratively. And yep, sometimes, my meal is going to consist of failure. And ya, it doesn't taste that good. But it's that bitter-sweet taste that keeps you growing, it keeps you accountable. It keeps you humble. And I've heard humbleness tastes good with pie... :) So while I'm on the road to success by Heaven's standards, a light snack on the way will keep me going so that I may, God willing, eventually reach my destination marked by my growth and not by my status of earthly success.