An Unbeetable Remedy

This morning, as usually happens on a monthly basis, I woke up with a severe case of dysmenorrhea. Aside from the fact that my abs and lower back were causing me discomfort (understatment) and the fact that I looked like a pregnant goose trying to waddle whenever I tried to walk anywhere (also an understatment), the worst part had to be that it woke me up a 3:40. In. The. Morning. It was painful. Literally.

I spent the next hour trying to go back to sleep, but that didn't happen. So I got up and wandered around the house trying to find solace and trying not to wake people up as I raided their rooms for heat pads.

I told myself NO Ibuprofen this time. I gave myself some encouraging speech about how in 5 days it would all be over, and I would be happy that I made the 'healthy' decision. Five minutes later, I vetoed myself.

 With the pain killer yet to kick in, I got a wild idea.

I don't know if it was the lack of sleep, or maybe I would've been just as crazy had I slept for 12 hours, but just then, I remembered. My doctor had told me the sure-fire way to get rid of cramping: Beets.

Being a little cuckoo in the head, I took my waddling self down to Yokes at 5:30 AM (emphasis on the AM part) to pick up some beets for my 'healthy' smoothie cramp reliever.  I think I was feeling a little guilty about the Ibu. Talk about overcompensation.

When I came home, I turned on the house fans, put on my gloves, peeled away, and plopped an entire beet into our blender. It looked so beautiful in there. Little did I know.

After adding some blueberries and peaches (not the sweetest fruits ever), I tried my concoction.

If any of you ever wants to try beets, try this first. Go outside, find a patch of dirt, throw a blueberrie on it, and heap yourself a spoonful. If that sounds tasty, come over. I have two more beets in my fridge and you are more than welcome to have them.

It was so gross. I kept adding more fruit to try to get it to taste better. Bad idea. The smoothie just kept getting bigger and bigger and tasted muddier and muckier with every bite.

I couldn't throw it away. Not after I'd gone to the store and paid for those beets. Not after I used all those delicious blueberries and peaches. And not when I knew that disgusting smoothie was my ticket to cramp free.

So I drank it. An entire glass. For breakfast. I gagged. I plugged my nose. And when I still had an entire serving left, I packed some for lunch. Granted, I couldn't bring myself to eat it all day, but I tried. Oh how I tried. But every time I smelled that earthy dirt smell in my smoothie, I gagged. Oh dear.

The rest is still in the fridge. And it will remain there until I either gather the courage to finish it or I quit feeling guilty and throw it out.

Looks can be deceiving...

If it looks like I'm falling asleep, its because I am :)

The funny thing is, even though it made me want to puke, I think the beets actually helped. I took my Ibuprofen around 5 and its currently 8:00pm and I haven't taken any since (which is pretty much unheard of). Either that or I've been healed, in which case I am throwing those beets out the window tomorrow morning.

I think there is a lesson to be learned from this experience. The beet actually looked pretty delicious, a pretty red color on the outside that makes you think its going to taste like a pomegranate or something. But it was disgusting and repulsive once you actually take a bite out of it.

That reminds me of people. Sometimes people can be beautiful and attractive on the outside, but inside they are bitter and ugly. Yes, maybe you can handle their company for a while, but pretty soon, the relationship will become less and less desireable.

Drinking that blech smoothie made me NOT want to be a person like that. I don't want people to be unpleasantly surprised if they get to know me and find out I'm a jerk. Ouch. Or maybe I'm just beeting myself up. HAHAHAHA.Oh boy. I need to get to bed.

The point is, don't be a beet. Be a banana or a strawberry or something sweet. Just please don't be a beet because I want to be your friend.

I am rambling at this point, but I will remind you I've been up for 17 hours. If you've learned one thing from this blogpost, let it be this... Actually, I don't know what you learned. Beet's me. HAHAHAHA!!

Ok seriously now, I'm done.

"Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."