Finish the Race

I constantly have compulsive desires to be a quitter. I'm sure you all know this, as I tend to blog about these impulses frequently. Granted, I almost always suppress these urges and finish it out, but it doesn't come without struggle and heartbreak.

Take, for instance, the Little Women play- I was fully ready to call the director and announce my resignation from the show. Thankfully, I didn't, because apparently someone else wasn't too happy about the casting choices and dropped out of the show. Because I didn't quit, I got upgraded to Rodrigo, which is still a small role, but playing the sword-fighting, man-hero who sings and has lines is better than playing a crotchety old hag who is only in one scene. My sister and I even get to sing together at one point... Yes, way, way better. Not the best, but better.

Or perhaps the time in January when I forgot it was my Saturday to work and showed up two and a half hours late to my shift?? I was ready to quit my job on the spot and never show my face in the library again. But I went back to work on Monday, lived through getting written up, and still work there today.

Or how about the fact that my mom and I have discussed me dropping out of CBC multiple times, when my stress levels were so high I couldn't function? Yet, I am now (as of yesterday!) ONE quarter away from graduating high school and receiving my AA degree. Come June, I will already have two YEARS of college behind me. Wow. Time flies. I remember the days when I thought high schoolers were ancient.

Even now, as I write this blog-post, I think about quitting. I think to myself that blogging about the mundane aspects of my life probably isn't entertaining anyone or saving lives. And I'm tempted to leave this in the draft stage, as I've done with my dozens of novels and plays and my hundreds of original songs that never make their way out of my notebook. Eventually, I will overcome my doubts and decide that being a quitter isn't something I aspire to be and post this article. Who knew blogging could be such an emotional pastime? Yet it is, because you are putting yourself, who you are, your passions and dreams into words that other people will read and ponder. And quitting sounds really good when your mouse is hanging over the "Publish" button.

The definition of quit is "to give up." Sometimes, in order to have the best results, giving up something is necessary. For example, to "quit" smoking or "give up eating sweets" or "drop out of economics because you don't understand your teacher," (okay the last one may not apply to everyone, just me) could be a healthy release into a greater plan . Sometimes "giving up" is a way to let God take control. But other times, giving up is losing sight of the purpose at the end of the hardship.

Yes, life is hard. We don't always get what we want. Sometimes, we get exactly what we don't want. But that doesn't mean that we have to quit, give up, turn the towel in. Everything happens for a reason- a lot of times, at least for me, I can't see what that reason is right away, if ever. But I have to fully trust, have faith, take courage, and believe that there is something- Someone- greater than myself who is in control and watching out for me.

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." Philippians 3:13-14

Great Birthday, Great Year (Part 2)

Last post, I talked about how amazing my birthday party was, but that was only the icing on the cake. My actual birthday is another story. Seriously.

My birthday started out pretty good, aside from the fact that I had to be up early for work. I woke up to find our hallway walls decorated with balloons and baby pictures hanging everywhere. The surprise didn't end there. When I walked out the door, past my birthday sign on the porch, I saw that Mom and Becky had "cleaned" out my car (aka threw all my mess into the trunk), filled my car with balloons, written on the windows, and tied ribbons to all my doorhandles. I got a good kick out of those because they flap in the wind when I drive.

I got to work and my supervisor had make sticky buns for me! It was like a cinnamon role with maple syrup caramel gooey goodness. They were SOOO good, I had two :) She also gave me a card, signed by all my coworkers, and some bedazzling jewels to put on my phone. I no longer felt the affects of having to get up early at that point :)

When work was over, I went to my classes and basically passed out delicious chocolate chip cookies that I'd made to my French class, my teachers, and pretty much anyone that I passed in the hallways that I knew. They were pretty yummy, so I've heard :)

I had a break in between my science class and my lab, so my sister Lizzy brought us some Costa Vita food (soo good!!) and we chatted outside about Miranda Sings and law enforcement. It was extremely enjoyable, especially getting to spend some time with her, since my party unfortunately fell on her performance night.

When I was done with school for the day, my mom had told me she had a "little" surprise for me.

"Little" was an understatement.

It's no small thing when your dear friend who lives in another state makes a surprise visit on your birthday to spend your special day with you. And that's exactly what Miss Gabbie Rehder of Cottonwood did for me.

The rest of my birthday day was spent catching up and having a blast with the girl who witnessed my transformation from a girl to a woman, the one who encouraged me to be myself and reach for the stars.

My birthday with Gabbie was a great reminder of who I am. I am squirrelly. I like Mr. Bean and Tim Hawkins. I am random, like when I want to ask people if they are allergic to coconuts when I'm trying to find an excuse not to hug them. And when I'm with Gabbie, that side of me, the dorky, untamed, silly yet sincere part of me comes out. Because together, us girls can find a way to use "heartbroken" and "cotton balls" and "graffiti butt gangster" in the same sentence (don't ask). And who else could I do embarrassing things with like backing up in the drive-through with and feel justified???

As in my last post, my birthday truly reflected the kind of year I want to have. It was full of surprises and fun. Gabbie and I went and got coffee, got our nails done, laughed ourselves silly watching "Mom's Night Out," ate some delicious fries, and lost a cumulative of $1 at the lottery. And that's life. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's convenient, and sometimes you lose the stupid lottery and wonder why you aren't the lucky person who wins the 50 million dollar jackpot (The answer is, because if I would've won any money, I wouldn't have been able to stop :) God uses our experiences in ways that sometimes, we can't see on our own.

My birthday was wonderful. It wasn't what I was expecting (isn't that always how it goes?) but I wouldn't have changed a single thing (haha, not even being single. Because if I would've had a boyfriend, Gabbie and I couldn't have had our classic "woes of singlehood" conversation :)

It was a good day. I am so thankful I was born!

Check out Gabbie's blog to her take on our wild day!

http://gabberdella.blogspot.com/2015/03/surprise.html

Great Birthday, Great Year (Part 1)

"What you do for your birthday reflects what kind of a year you're going to have," my wise mentor Judith from Iowa encouraged me as I listened intently. I called her for advice because, frankly, I was dreading my 18th birthday party. It was a jungle-themed dance party, yet a few days before it happened, I wanted to call the party off. Cancel the venue, cancel the DJ, cancel any and all celebration of my birthday. The whole thing had been a nightmare to plan, especially because we had accidentally planned it on the same night as one of my sister's Twelfth Night performances. I was an emotional wreck, not even including the feelings of becoming a legal adult (YIKES) I told myself that I would get excited eventually as we got closer. And when that didn't happen, I felt like it was too much effort and not enough enjoyment to even go through with it.

"If you sit around depressed, that's the kind-of year you're going to have," Judith continued. I knew she was right. I would forever look back on my 18th birthday and feel love and fond memories, or I'd look back and feel depressed all over again that I didn't do anything special for my birthday except sit around and sulk. Yeesh. 

By the time I got off the phone with my dear friend, I was starting to feel a twinge of excitement- She gave me fun and wild ideas for my jungle bash, and for the first time, I felt like it all might work out.

Little did I know.

God works in mysterious ways. The things that you least expect to happen end up being the things you appreciate the most.

When we arrived at the church to set up, things started getting crazy. Missing keys, unlocked closets, decorations, disagreements, food, time constraints, trying to find spoons, stress, the list goes on. Thankfully, everything worked itself out. Surprisingly, everything was ready for when the guests arrived.

Except that the guests didn't arrive. At least not all of them.

We had planned for 30-50 people to come. We ended up with a total of about 25 because none of the "I'll-try-to-make-it"s or the "maybe"s ended up showing. At the time, I was feeling seriously panicked that all our hard work would end up being a flop. I shouldn't have.

My friends. I don't even know what to say about them except that they're awesome and they know how to have a good time. Half of them thought they were bad dancers (lies), but they boogied it down anyway. The people that showed up came because they wanted to celebrate me. Even though there were less people than I thought, the quality of the people there was worth far more than any number.

We had a blast, and Judith, you were right. I can already tell- My year of being 18 is going to be just the way I celebrated it :) This year may not go the way I expect it, but it'll be better than I could've ever imagined on my own.

 

[To hear about my adventures on my actual birthday, read Great Birthday, Great Year (Part 2).]

Lizzy M and me goofing off at the photo booth

My first kiss :P

Kim and me

Ready to rock the Safari

The girls

Nicole, me, Kimmie, and Lizzy

The boys

Graham, Connor, Jacob A., Ryan, Kade, Jacob M., and Jake H.

 

The group (minus some of the late people)

Top: Brandon, Mom, Graham, Sherry, Joe, Nicole, Lizzy, Ryan, Kade, Russ, Dorthy, Jacob M., Dad

Middle: Jacob A., Kim, Me, Jake H., Anne, and Becky

Bottom: Connor

We are all so wild :P

 

 

Can you spot the coconut cup in this picture??

Priceless

 

My childhood friends (They missed the group photo because they came late)

Jacob S., Devon, Eric, Me, Lizzy, and Ryan

 

The family picture :)

Dad, Brandon, Becky, Me, Mom, and Jacob

Notice how the parents are wearing tiger hats, the boys are wearing giraffe hats (figures, since they're so tall :) and the girls are the zebras. We didn't plan that, but it happened that way :)

 

The one who gave birth to me :)

 

The one who has put up with my big sister antics...

And messy room

 

The rocking DJ!!! He was amazing :)

 

 Me and my brother after our swing dance

He doesn't usually dance, but that night, he rocked out :)

 

You can't see very good, but this is a taste of what the night looked like

  Starting out the Limbo :)

My Birthday Cake

This is me attempting to blow out the candles.

See if you can spot me spitting all over the cake :)

Oh well, more for me!

 Everyone praying for me.

I'm holding a little lion in my hand that my mom gave me, reminding me who I am.

I am strong, courageous, fierce, and loyal. 

I am wild and free.

 My name even reflects that I am a kindred spirit with these powerful creatures, that even in the most dangerous situations, God is there with me.

I am a new creature in Christ. 

And if I had my choice, I'd be a lion.

"I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (hey!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, your hear that sound
Like thunder, gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up
Get ready 'cause I had enough
I see it all, I see it now

I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter
Dancing through the fire
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
'Cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar"