Finish the Race

I constantly have compulsive desires to be a quitter. I'm sure you all know this, as I tend to blog about these impulses frequently. Granted, I almost always suppress these urges and finish it out, but it doesn't come without struggle and heartbreak.

Take, for instance, the Little Women play- I was fully ready to call the director and announce my resignation from the show. Thankfully, I didn't, because apparently someone else wasn't too happy about the casting choices and dropped out of the show. Because I didn't quit, I got upgraded to Rodrigo, which is still a small role, but playing the sword-fighting, man-hero who sings and has lines is better than playing a crotchety old hag who is only in one scene. My sister and I even get to sing together at one point... Yes, way, way better. Not the best, but better.

Or perhaps the time in January when I forgot it was my Saturday to work and showed up two and a half hours late to my shift?? I was ready to quit my job on the spot and never show my face in the library again. But I went back to work on Monday, lived through getting written up, and still work there today.

Or how about the fact that my mom and I have discussed me dropping out of CBC multiple times, when my stress levels were so high I couldn't function? Yet, I am now (as of yesterday!) ONE quarter away from graduating high school and receiving my AA degree. Come June, I will already have two YEARS of college behind me. Wow. Time flies. I remember the days when I thought high schoolers were ancient.

Even now, as I write this blog-post, I think about quitting. I think to myself that blogging about the mundane aspects of my life probably isn't entertaining anyone or saving lives. And I'm tempted to leave this in the draft stage, as I've done with my dozens of novels and plays and my hundreds of original songs that never make their way out of my notebook. Eventually, I will overcome my doubts and decide that being a quitter isn't something I aspire to be and post this article. Who knew blogging could be such an emotional pastime? Yet it is, because you are putting yourself, who you are, your passions and dreams into words that other people will read and ponder. And quitting sounds really good when your mouse is hanging over the "Publish" button.

The definition of quit is "to give up." Sometimes, in order to have the best results, giving up something is necessary. For example, to "quit" smoking or "give up eating sweets" or "drop out of economics because you don't understand your teacher," (okay the last one may not apply to everyone, just me) could be a healthy release into a greater plan . Sometimes "giving up" is a way to let God take control. But other times, giving up is losing sight of the purpose at the end of the hardship.

Yes, life is hard. We don't always get what we want. Sometimes, we get exactly what we don't want. But that doesn't mean that we have to quit, give up, turn the towel in. Everything happens for a reason- a lot of times, at least for me, I can't see what that reason is right away, if ever. But I have to fully trust, have faith, take courage, and believe that there is something- Someone- greater than myself who is in control and watching out for me.

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." Philippians 3:13-14